Only Human

Dreaming of the Past

He nodded and I watched him go into their room, half expecting the tired boy to smack into the door. When he didn't, I opened the door across from them and put Damon down. He waited next to me as I switched on the light before scuttling in.

I followed, leaving the door open and leant against the sink. My fist pressed into my closed eye as I scrubbed the sleep out of there while he went about his business. Switching on the tap, I bent over and splashed some water onto my face.

Four nights in a row now, I mused to myself as I grabbed a towel and patted my face dry. Sliding my hands through my hair, I winced as I tugged some of the knots loose and watched myself in the mirror. Curly hair was truly the bane of my life. The strands bounced to just above my shoulders, springing back into somewhat loose ringlets when tugged. When straightened my hair would reach to just above my breasts. To me, my hair resembled the multiple shades of freshly uncovered earth. The fluctuating colours of brown, some strands bleeding black while others had an auburn tint. Brushing my fingers through my fringe, I let the side bangs flop over my left eye.

They were a darker blue, my eyes that is, like the ocean before a storm Clarissa once said. Not like his. I doubt anything would ever compare to those cold eyes. Though my sons were close seconds.

A tug on my pyjama bottoms made me look down into eyes of the past. Of a single night. There was no other way to describe my son's eyes or even his, for that matter, than to call them icy. Like looking at an iceberg that had been stained with the lightest of blue dyes. Damon and Ryan took many traits from me. Their shaggy brown hair was like mine, curling slightly at the ends. Both had pudgy cheeks, dotted with small freckles and little button noses. But their eyes, those were their fathers, merely a shade darker than his, though, I couldn't recall him having any green flecks in his gaze like them. Although, that night I wasn't overly sober to be checking.

"Mommy, I finished," Damon declared but I merely watched him for a moment. His lower lip pursed out before he silently trudged back and pulled on the handle of the toilet to flush it.

"Thank you," I smiled kneeling to lift the boy up around the waist so he could wash his hands without having to use the little steps.

He laughed, the light giggling making my lips pull into a smile as I pressed them to his cheek. Once finished, I patted his behind and urged him into his room while I meandered towards the kitchen to get them water.

What we called home was a small two bedroom apartment, it wasn't exactly what I'd imagined raising children in, but since I was alone, it would suffice for now. Snagging their favourite plastic cups, I quickly filled them.

Back in the room, both boys were perched on their beds. Pausing in the door, I blinked at them for a moment taken aback by their similarities. I knew my boys weren't identical, Ryan's eyes a little wider and his nose slightly more pointed while Damon had a little birthmark at his temple, but in this lighting, they looked the same.

"Mommy?"

"Sorry, sweetie, here you go," I murmured sitting on Ryan's bed and handing him the cup.

His nose scrunched up as he shook his head. "No! I don't want batman!" he protested just as his brother squealed out, "Batman's mine!"

"Right, right, I'm sorry," I switched the cups instantly, handing spiderman to Ryan who took it happily while Damon slurped from his batman cup. No wonder he needs to pee so often, I huffed, watching him chug the class.

"Damon, sip it-."

"Done!" He shouted, holding the cup up for me to see. He turned to his older brother of five minutes and stuck out his tongue, "I win!"

Ryan snorted and placed his cup, still half full, on the bedside table separating their single beds and scampered back into bed. "You'll pee the bed. Again."

"I will not!"

"Ok, enough darlings," I soothed, intervening before a screaming match could begin. Shushing Damon before he could say something else, I took the cup from him and tucked him back into bed. "Go back to sleep, my dear."

"Ok Mommy," he pouted, eyes blinking up at me. I smiled and kissed his forehead before moving to do the same to Ryan.

"Love you, Mommy," Ryan mumbled, snuggling back into bed with his favourite teddy. It was a fat polar bed that Clarissa had stuffed into a baby Spiderman costume. She'd done the same for Damon, only with a Batman costume. A present for their fourth birthday and both boys adored them.

"I love you more!" Damn pointed out loudly, not wanting to be left out.

"No you don't," Ryan retorted, turning so his back faced his brother. Dismissing him with that comment. I grinned at the sight.

"I do too!"

"I'm bigger than you."

"So?!"

I moved towards the door as the two boys bickered on. Pausing in the doorway, I glanced in at the two, curled up in bed with their teddy's. Their voices growing softer as they argued over who loved me more. I wished I could freeze time. To remain here, with them, safe like this. Instead, I grabbed the door handle and spoke softly.

"I love you both, now sleep my dears."

The door shut behind me gently as I inhaled deeply before sighing and making my way back to my room. Damon's cup was placed by my bed as I flopped back onto the not-so-soft mattress and shut my eyes.

My past lover didn't come back to finish my dream, as I slipped back into sleep.