Lex Veritas [NOT FINISHED. DROPPET]

Chapter 7

I sat on my bed with my legs crossed for a while now, watching Arwen in her deep sleep after feeding her, trying not to think about my earlier encounter with my mother.

Here I was, in a city I didn't belong anymore, with people I despised, going on with my life and trying to be someone I was sure I didn't want to be, but had to. I couldn't recognize the person I was today.

And now, that it was two in the morning and I couldn't sleep, I started missing the old me again. The old me before I found out everything.

Even if I hated the way things used to be, I missed my old self. I missed the place I called home, I missed the people and the feelings I had back then.

And I hated it, I hated myself for this. I didn't want to keep missing those days like there was nothing wrong with them. There was a lot of things that weren't how they should've been. Things I was glad that they were finally over and things I was sad because they happened.

So why did I keep missing it? Was I really so fucked up that I missed the lonely days, the empty nights, the feeling of never being whole again?

All of it was just a short dream and yet it took me too long to wake up, to face the truth. My heart was on fire but I switched my feelings, now that was a minor thing.

The only thing that seemed clear to me was that I was missing the person I used to be with my brother by my side. Even though that now I hated that naive and reckless girl I was back then. I missed her because that naive girl didn't know anything. Yes, she had her issues back then, but she wasn't completely destroyed like I was now.

I shouldn't have been as affected as I was because of seeing my mother again. We had been drawn apart ever since my brother's passing. It was nothing new to me so why was I so sad?

"You've cut your hair." My mum's voice popped up in my head.

Those were her first words to me after so long as she noticed that my hair wasn't reaching to my hips anymore but instead it stopped in the middle of my back, just below my breasts.

Remembering her obsession with my hair when I was younger, it didn't seem like it bothered her at this point. It seemed more like she just wanted to gain some time before asking all the questions she was dying to ask and talk about the heavy topic that awaited us.

This situation pained her too, I knew that. Not only she had lost her son, I left her as well. Brian and I didn't need to be her biological children for her to feel the loss of not one, but two children.

"And you've lost weight."  There was a hint of worry in her voice, as if she still cared about my well being but just didn't know how to approach me.