Can You Feel The Heart?

Hello? Alex?

The male was filled with indescribable anger, rushing through his body like wild fire inside of him. Anger wasn’t the only emotion tingling around the male’s body, oh no no no, the feeling was accompanied with sadness and disbelief sprinkled with 50 ounces of hallucination questions. “Are you real?” He muttered as he took a large step back, rubbing his eyes to check if the figure would disappear, but much to belief it didn’t. The figure in fact stayed, staring deep into the male. The unnamed stood on the other side of the door had lost all pre-planned conversations he’d made in his head and let out a soft apology. Hearing the other speak made George tip, he fell to his knees, hands placed firmly on either side of him, like he was tied to the floor. The words were stuck, lost in a jumble in the bottom of his throat, gasping for their freedom which in return was never granted.

After untangling his mind from hell, he stood himself up, brushing his hand through his hair, pushing the evident lack of hygiene into the others eyes. It was never easy on George when Alex would leave, but this time he never thought he’d be coming back. After all, he did watch him fall from their 10-story flat.

He closed the door for a couple seconds, hoping it’d cause whatever hallucination he was having to stop. He’d had them before, but the noises were new, the knocking was new, the voices were new. It honestly freaked him out how his mind could have pictured the male if he had come back. Once the door was opened again the now named was nowhere to be seen, no trace that he had ever been stood within inches of the broken.

Another cigarette box was now discarded with the rest, making the pile in the room bigger but the room itself so much smaller. The once clean and lively flat was now dark, damp, silent and aged, the clean air was now polluted with the amount of smoke that fell out the steam train spouts as they travel past the flat, the once spotless floor was covered in stains of unnamed foods from each box that was thrown around leaving a foul smell, as you could imagine. George hadn’t seen the boys in weeks, that was why the flat was inhabitable, he hadn’t had to force it clean with hours of scrubbing followed by odourless sprays to lead the boys on that he was coping perfectly fine, because if the flat was clean then maybe he was too, as if his friends were going to ever believe him on that. Will knew about the males liking to the deceased and had always encouraged him to tell the other before he hurt himself more, but George never agreed, always muttering about how it was a small silly crush and it would pass in no time, but by god was he wrong. James only found out a couple weeks after Alex’s death, it wasn’t hard to figure out, he just never wanted to make George uncomfortable by bringing it up because he knew of Alex and his ways.

Alex would always have one-night stands, sometimes occasional fuck buddies and it broke George, it broke him down to nothing, it bruised his mind leaving dents in his palms. You see, he’d always had a small thing for the slightly taller male, ever since he saw Alex. He knew he’d do anything to protect him from harm, even if it caused them to have a row, but he never cared as long as the one he cherished was safe, yet the one thing he promised himself and Alex, he failed at, and it broke him. To George he hadn’t just lost a best friend, he had lost his soulmate. He knew it was silly to believe in soulmates, how could there be that one person made soul-ly to love you and just you, surely it was a dumb tale they would tell the heart broken teens who were so hung on Chad who plays for Chelsea, who was ever so loyal, but cheated with their best friend whilst they were away, sounds about right, but when he met Alex it all seemed to make sense.

The moonlight shone through the curtains of the now drunk males’ room, his door was left open, a habit he used to do so he could see if Alex was home safe once the door was closed. All his stuff was still in there, placed as if it was part of a museum. The boys had tried to get George to let them clean it out so he could rent it to find someone to help pay the mortgage for the rather expensive flat Alex had always wanted. Of course, he refused to let anyone touch the contents of the room. He tossed and turned in his sleep, too awake in his mind to even begin to feel comfortable, he rolled himself out of his bed, more like fell, and headed slowly toward the latter’s room. Leaning against the door frame the male took in each detail of the room like it was his first time seeing it. He slowly took a step in, his feet walking him to the deceased’s wardrobe, he opened it slowly worrying about misplacing any of the room’s objects. His hand shakily reached for the end hanger, pulling it from the wardrobe slowly he discarded the black and white internet sensation hoodie that lay on the curves of the hanger. He placed it back how it lay before and slowly pulled the jumper over his head, breathing deeply, taking in the scent of his love as if he was wrapping him in a big hug. Once his head left the hoodie, he wiped the stray tear that travelled down his left cheek and sighed, heading back to his bed, slowly drifting to sleep, drowning in Alex’s scent.