The hope that sleeps inside you || Komahina

Chapter 6

TW: mention of self harm/ suicide

~Nagitos POV~

I mean he doesn't know I'm gay so maybe it wont be that big of a problem when I tell him. Im going to sleep on the couch anyways. I kept my cool as I opened the door. His mouth open in awe. I walk to the closet and get some extra blanket and put it on the couch before I show him my bedroom and a bathroom. "You can take the bed. I'm going to sleep on the couch." I say as I start to walk away but I feel hands around my waist. Before I could react I was thrown onto my bed. I looked up to see Hajime with a sly smile on his face. " Nope! You are staying here tonight. I'm not letting you sleep on the couch!" He stated happily. "B-But I don't want you to have to share a bed with garbage!" I tried to say before I was cut off. "What did I say earlier Nagito? You're not trash." He said as he pushed me back down. I looked at him shocked. " Fine but I do need to change." I said quietly. He complied and hopped off me. I walked to my closet and grabbed another white shirt and some black sweats. I walked to my bathroom to change feeling a ping of dread. I take off my jacket and see them. The scars that climbed my arm. I caused them so I don't know why I'm surprised. I stared blankly at myself in the mirror. Some were faded but others were more fresh. I have been free for about a week. It was after I had visited my parents grave for there anniversary. I was reminded that I caused there deaths. I caused all of their deaths. Everyone on that plane had a family. I took them away from them. I'm a killer. I wish those boys actually had the balls to kill me that day.

Why didn't they?

Why don't I just finish the job?

Do it

Do it

Do it

DO IT

DO IT

DO IT

WHY DONT I JUST KILL MYSELF?!?!?!

I must have been in there for awhile because Hajime came to find me. I felt something drip to the floor. I looked down. SHIT! I scratched the scars! They were bleeding onto the white tile below. "Nagito! Are you okay?" He heard me panicking. I impulsively picked up the clean white shirt and held it to my arm. To late to save it now. I quickly changed my pants and ran out of the bathroom. I past Hajime as fast as possible so he wouldn't notice the scars. I sped to my closet and grabbed a black sweatshirt. I threw it on and discarded of the bloodied shirt in the corner of the closet. I turned around to see a shocked Hajime. How much did he see? " Hey Hajime what's up?" I said casually. He walked up to me a pulled up my sleeves. I winced at the pressure. Tears formed in his eyes. He lead me back to the bathroom and sat me down on the closed toilet seat. "Where's your first aid kit?" He asked in a rush. "Hajime you don't need to-" "Were is your first aid kit?" He asked again but with more force. I sighed. " Under the kitchen sink." I said quietly. He bolted to the kitchen and came back. He carefully grabbed my arm and looked up at my eyes. Those eyes of his... I don't ever want to lose him. A tear fell from my eye. He reached up his hand with a soft smile tracing his lips. "You will be okay... We will get through this together." He whispered to me while wiping the tear from my eye. He then focused on my arm. He disinfected it and put bandages around it. Hajime finished tending to my frail arm and hugged me tightly. He was crying and I started crying too. we stayed there for a while. Hajime, basically sitting on my lap and me, Covered in bandages. We have been friends for less than a week yet we felt so close. " W-we should go to bed..." I said hesitantly. He looked back at me and nodded.

We walked back to my bedroom quickly. He laid down and then reached up his hands opening and closed his fists like a child wanting candy. I laughed and laid down next to him. He wrapped his arms around my neck. In return I wrapped my arms around his waist.

~Hajimes POV~

I was laying on top of Nagito. It surprisingly didn't feel awkward for either of us. I know he is gay and so am I but that doesn't change anything. His arms were snaked around my waist as he held me close. Tomorrow we have to face Izuru. He is defiantly going to assume Nagito did something weird to me. I never came home from school, ignored his calls and we had just argued about me and Nagito being friends. Its kind of sad how our relationship spiraled. The first few months after Mom and Dads death we were closer. He developed a self harm problem and I would often have to bandage his body after he past out. That was a lot of trauma for a ten year old. I guess he always assumed he just didn't remember cleaning up. He got better but sometimes he relapse.

I'm just afraid for Nagito. I don't want him to be like Izuru. His life is already traumatic enough so he doesn't need to bottle up his emotions.

His breathing is slowed and his grip on me loosened. He was finally getting rest. I snuggled into his chest more and got comfortable. Our legs were intertwined and his head was berried in the crook of my neck. It all felt so natural and sweet. I definitely like him more than friends. Its the first time I have ever felt this way towards someone. I realized that I knew the moment he first talked to me. Its hilarious to me now because the first thing he said was "Holy shit".

My eyes felt heavy and mind blank. Nagito was so warm. I'm so tired. I drift of into a deep sleep.