The Way You Make Me Feel [ J.J ]

5.

I waited for the tension to loosen a bit before I walked out, acting like I heard absolutely nothing of what JJ said about how she felt. I slipped past the two of them and went over to the coffee maker, grabbing the coffee and putting some inside the little cup thingy, turning around as I felt Roslyn's eyes staring into the back of my head. We made eye contact, and I could tell she was trying to read me and get a grip for who I was, and if I was right for her sister. That was something I definitely understood, since Matt did that to everyone I came across since I joined the Simmons family when I was two. The protectiveness was sweet. The coffee machine dinged and I turned around, grabbing my cup and realizing that I had no idea where her creamer and sugar were. As if on cue, JJ pointed to the fridge, and I walked over, grabbing the bottle soon as I saw it.

I slipped out of their way and sat down at the kitchen table, grabbing my phone from my purse where I had plugged it into my portable charger, reading through my notifications. Not much happened overnight, and a few of the texts were to our little group chat between me, Elle, Emily and Derek while the three of them were going off about the latest episode of whatever reality show they were hooked on at the moment. I also noticed a text from Matt, and my heart skipped a beat. Matt usually doesn't text me first unless something's wrong.

[3:34am- Matt] Whenever you have free time to talk today, I got a question for you. Nothing scary, just something about a potential job :)

I had to read that over a couple of times. A potential job? I shot him a quick "i'll call you after classes!" and continued to sip on my coffee, quietly listening in on the sisterly banter between JJ and Roslyn. A few minutes had passed before I realized I only had an hour before my next class and I got up, grabbing my bookbag and purse.

"Hey, I'm gonna head out, I got some stuff to do today."

"Okay." she frowned. "Text me when you get back?"

"'Kay."

I pulled on my shoes and walked out, shooting her and Roslyn a small smile as I left. By the time I got outside, I remembered I left my sweater and my clothes from yesterday upstairs and inwardly cursed to myself, knowing I didn't have time to run back and get it if I wanted to change and be on time for my classes. I made it back to my dorm with enough time to change and grab a protein bar before I ran to the Criminology building, barely making it. I couldn't focus for the rest of the morning, almost dreading the class I was going to have with her later. No, that was a lie. I was dreading being in the same room as her today. I was able to meet up with Elle, Derek and Emily in between classes for lunch, and somehow was able to divert any questions they had about my current state of mind and talk about other things. I knew for a fact that Elle was going to drill me when we got back to the dorm later, but that was something I didn't want to have to deal with yet.

I walked over to the English building, debating if I should skip or not. I didn't know how she was going to act around me, especially after the whole thing with Roslyn this morning. It almost seemed as if Roslyn didn't approve of whatever it was we were doing, and it made me hesitant to go to class because I just knew she'd want to have a talk about it. Of course, I could lie and make something up and say I had to go, but if I were being honest with myself I'd probably just pack up as quickly as I possibly could and bolt out before she could say anything to me. Somehow we had let ourselves switch back to that weird spot we were in before our talk yesterday, and I hated every second of it. Before I could turn around to leave, I saw JJ walking up towards the building and knew that since she saw me, I kinda had to go to class now. I inwardly cursed, pulling open the door and going to the classroom, hoping she didn't want to talk to me at all. I sat down in the back where I did the last class, pulling out everything I needed for the lesson. I kept my head down as she walked in the room, feeling her looking at me as she did so. I knew I was probably overreacting to how Roslyn was acting this morning, but it still hurt. To be called a child? I haven't heard that insult since I was in elementary school.

I'm not going to lie, the fact that Roslyn didn't approve of me right away made me upset. Granted, we weren't even a proper thing, but it still hurt. I don't know why it hurt like it did, either. JJ and I had no strings attached at the moment. We were simply just... well, 'vibing it'. I didn't know what it was going to become, and neither did she. And right now, I really didn't want to be in this classroom, having to listen to her talk. I just wanted to go back to my dorm and force myself into school work and not think about it anymore. Thinking about it was giving me one of the biggest headaches of my life, and I didn't want to have one anymore. I wanted to be happy, dammit. This wasn't letting me be happy.

When JJ dismissed the class, I practically threw everything into my bag and ran out of the room, walking to the nearest door and walking as far away from the English building as I possibly could. I made sure that JJ wasn't following me before I looped around and made my way back to my dorm, waving to Aaron as he worked at the front desk. I walked upstairs and made it into my room without running into Elle, thankful that I could have a few quiet moments to myself. I needed to just sit down, work on my classes, and pretend that nothing was happening in my social life. Yeah, that sounded ideal. I could do that... right?

There had to be a way to get my brain to stop thinking about JJ. I had to face the facts. I was too young for her. According to what I heard this morning, she was 30. I was only 20. That was a pretty large age gap. I mean, I'm more than okay with an age gap, but if it made JJ's family that uncomfortable, why would it be worth it to continue what we're doing? I couldn't put JJ through the agony of losing her family just because she wanted to be with me. I saw how Emily reacted when her mother pushed her away when she came out as lesbian, and said she was dating Elle. I didn't want that to happen to JJ, and I wasn't going to let myself be the reason she didn't have a familial relationship anymore. I sat down at my desk, pulling everything out of my backpack, refusing to look at the red bubble on my messages because I knew JJ texted me and I really didn't have the brain power to talk to her right now. I needed to focus on anything but her.

After I changed back into some sweats, I sat down at my desk, looking down at my phone, trying everything in my power to not read whatever message JJ sent me. I didn't need to be bothered by my thoughts about her tonight. Before I started on my homework, I remembered Matt wanted to talk to me and clicked on his contact, hoping he wasn't too busy. The FaceTime tone rang a few times before he picked up, smiling at me through the shitty wifi connection he had.

"Hey chica!" his bubbly voice burst through the phone, and I couldn't help but smile.

"I hope I'm not getting you too late."

"No, no, I just got back to the hotel. Don't worry. What's up?"

"You said you wanted to talk? About a job?"

"Oh yes! You absolutely did not hear this from me. Okay?"

"It's that top secret?" I joked, looking around to pretend to shoo people out of my very obviously empty room. "Okay, my room is empty. Spill the tea."

"So, I was able to talk to Cruz, and he said that there might be a possibility of a Liaison opening on the Behavioral Analysis Unit."

"Shut up." my jaw dropped. "You're joking. You're actually joking. Say sike right now."

"I think one of your professors, Luke? I think he works for them. From what I heard, he's going to reach out to you personally for the job. I don't know when, but he's going to ask you."

"Oh my god." I set my phone down against my lamp, not being able to comprehend what was happening. "Holy shit. Holy shitballs. Holy shitake mushrooms on a stick. Oh... My god."

"Hey, language."

He chuckled. "Shut up Matt I'm manifesting. I'm manifesting my job with the FBI. I'm manifesting Professor Alvez asking me to work for the Behavioral Analysis Unit."

"I think you'll do great, kid."

Soon as he said that, flashbacks from this morning hit me like a ton of bricks and my happy mood went right out the window.

"I'm not a fucking child, Matt."

"Whoa- where'd that come from?" he sighed on the other line. "Are you okay?"

"No." I could feel the tears forming again, and I brushed at my face. "How much time do you have to talk?"

"For my favorite little sister? All the time in the world."