TW: self-harm !!!
Akutagawa woke up and slowly sat up, rubbing the tiredness out of his eyes. He glanced at the clock and noticed that it was 3 am. He started looking for Atsushi who was supposed to be sleeping next to him but his spot was empty. Akutagawa, getting even more confused and worried by the second, sat up and looked around his and Atsushi's room. He glanced at the door and noticed a light coming from the bathroom.
"Atsushi?", Akutagawa called, no response. He sighed and headed to the bathroom.
Akutagawa walked to the bathroom and opened the door. Shit, he did it again, He thought when he saw Atsushi asleep sitting next to the toilet, passed out. There was a small puddle of blood by his hand coming from the self-inflicted cuts. Akutagawa didn't say anything as he cleaned up and disposed of the blade and continued to carry Atsushi off to bed.
He made sure to hold onto Atsushi tight as if he would loosen his grip and Atsushi would slip away. Fuck, how many times have I let this happen... Ryuu thought as small tears trickled down his face. He wasn't making any noise yet Atsushi still woke up. Ryuu looked him in the eyes and then hugged him tightly.
Atsushi was surprised at first but then hugged back and started to cry into Ryuu's shoulder.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Atsushi whispered while crying.
"Shush, it's ok, you're fine. You're safe now." Ryuu said while holding Atsushi, who was shaking.
"It's like I just can't stop myself...I'm sorry" Atsushi whispered, he sounded so guilty and sad.
"I know, I know, but please wake me up if you feel that way. I get so worried..." Ryuu said as he tried not to let any more tears fall. Atsushi buried his head into Ryuu's neck as Ryuu stroked his hair. They stayed like that for a good 20 minutes. Eventually, Atsushi drifted to sleep and Ryuu laid him down in bed.
They both fell asleep holding onto each other.
in the morning
Ryuu woke up first and silently left the room at 8 am. He got breakfast started and made some coffee. Atsushi woke up not long after that. When he woke up all he saw was black even though he was sure his eyes were open and that its morning. It felt like he was back at the orphanage, back in that tiny cell where he was sent for punishment. When he finally calmed down a little he looked to his side to see Ryuu wasn't there.
His breathing quickened and his heart pounded in his chest. He stood up and made his way to the kitchen hugging himself as if something was going to attack him at any minute. He walked to the doorway of the kitchen and then stopped when he saw Ryuu. For some reason, tears came to his eyes as he stood there watching his boyfriend make breakfast.
Ryuu heard sniffling and looked over to see Atsushi crying.
"Atsushi? What's wrong?" Ryuu asked as he walked toward him.
"Ah sorry-" Atsushi started to say but was cut off by himself coughing. "I'm fine," he said after he regained his breath.
"Are you sure?" Ryuu said with concern.
Atsushi stopped smiling and looked to the side with an uneasy look and didn't say anything. Ryuu sighed and pulled him to a chair.
"Close your eyes," Atsushi closed his eyes and felt Ryuu grab his arms and take off the bandages he'd put on the night before. He gasped but didn't open his eyes, he didn't really wanna see what he did to himself considering how much it hurt.
5 minutes later
"Ok, you can open your eyes now," Ryuu said softly.
Atsushi opened his eyes slowly and looked down at his arms to see new bandages put on perfectly.
"Thank you, Ryuu," Atsushi said, What did I do to deserve him?
"Yeah, of course. Can you tell me the reason you did that to yourself?"
"Well, I woke up and I was just hit with a wave of bad thoughts, and I really tried to think of anything else but it was just too much, I'm sorry, I was doing so well,"
"It's fine, Atsushi. Relapse is a part of recovery. I'm not mad at all, just tell me next time you feel that way OK?"
"Yeah, I love you Ryuu," Atsushi whispered.
"I love you too,"
word count: 742
