yellow (remus lupin.)

forty eight.

FORTY EIGHT.

With the flick of a switch, Cara's world had gone from wonderful technicolour to soulless black and white monochrome. Everything in life — even the most exquisite moments of existing, like her son laughing — no longer held the same beauty it once did. In her life, everything was either deeply upsetting, or worse, bittersweet.

At times, she almost forgot what had happened. She half expected Sirius to burst into the kitchen with Leo in his arms, proudly showing him off. Other times, all she could imagine were his last moments. Remus had refused to tell her exactly what had happened, not wanting to torture her anymore — not that he could bring himself to think it over again anyway.

Remus was waking up each morning and playing along with existing for his family's sake, but at night was when he was tormented the most. He cried in the shower, he cried when it was just him and Leo, and he cried in his sleep. Feeling Cara's arm around him made it worse, knowing she had just lost her father. He didn't feel related enough to Sirius to be feeling this distraught, despite having known him longer than she ever did. Torturous guilt consumed his mind at all moments, repeatedly chastising him for not doing more.

For the first few weeks, neither of them could get out of bed for matters other than Leo. In the afternoons, the three of them would be laying in bed and wide awake, constantly feeling as though they were waiting for something. Leo didn't understand where his grandfather had gone, or why his mum couldn't find a reason to smile anymore. Seeing his father cry, everything seemed so uncontextually miserably. On the night of the full moon, Cara couldn't seem to soothe Leo back to sleep as he cried relentlessly, wondering if his dad was to disappear indefinitely like his grandad had.

Harry, Ron, Hermione and the rest of the Weasley children had returned home for the summer following the battle. Cara found Harry following her around a lot during the day, perhaps clinging on to the last thread that wove him with Sirius. She could see the same destruction behind his eyes that she was feeling, and she enjoyed having someone with her to take her mind off of things.

In the haze of a July evening, Cara was slumped on one of the couches in the drawing room. Heat and golden sunlight flooded the room through the large windows. Harry and Stassie were sat beside her keeping her company, whilst Ron and Hermione kept Leo entertained sat on the floor. No one liked leaving her on her own, knowing she would be left with just her mind to go into overdrive.

"He's got such a infectious smile." Hermione laughed as she tickled Leo's belly.

"He gets that from his mama." Stass looped her arm through Cara's.

"Who got hers from her dad."

She hadn't meant to inadvertently turn every comment back around onto the loss of her father, she found herself doing it without even realising. She knew it was making the others uncomfortable — Ron's throat clearing before he followed Hermione's lead and tickled Leo's sides — yet it was something she couldn't seem to get rid of.

"Sorry." She mumbled, picking at a loose hem on her shorts.

"Don't be." Hermione assured her with the sweetest of smiles. "I'm sorry I brought it up."

"Don't be stupid." Cara dismissed her with a teasing kick in the thigh as she chuckled. "It's not your fault."

Sparking just a hint of happiness within her, she watched as Ron picked Leo up and bounced him in his arms. The young Weasley was growing increasingly confident around babies, and was taking to his godfather duties like a duck to water. Even Hermione seemed impressed as all eyes fell on Ron.

"I'm going to make some tea." Hermione announced as she got up. "Ron?"

Inviting him and Leo to join her, they left Cara, Harry and Stass together on the couch. As Cara shuffled in her seat, her cropped tee rode up with the movement, revealing a selection of words printed on her side.