Intoxicated

Chapter Eight

It's not the same without him. I never thought I'd step into his house to find he's not there - that he never will be. The last time I was here, was when I'd meet up with Alex to go to Sadie's party. My chest clenches at the memory, locked up tight in there. If I hadn't have made him go, maybe he wouldn't have died... I grimace at the thought. 

I couldn't have known that would happen, let alone stopped it. It was an accident. Or so everyone keeps telling me.

But it was my fault. 

The Reagan's house is one of the nicest in the town; a two story building with pristine white brick walls, gray roofing and a rounded arch with small pillars at the front door. All the windows are clean, see through - unlike the layers of dust gathering on most. No one's really heard from them in a while, or seen them around - it's like a ghost house. Except there's is the liveliest. 

I climb up the set of smooth concrete stairs, onto their small lawn raised above the pavement, supported by faded maroon coloured bricks. Rose bushes burst in front, a few petals scattered on the path that leads up to the porch. Wow, it really hasn't changed. 

Except, everything else has.

Nugget bounds up the porch steps and to the front door, his tail wagging wildly. I follow after him, though with less enthusiasm. My pulse quickens in my throat. I haven't seen them in so long, I think. The funeral was months ago - almost a year. 

People fill the pews in the church, each facing the casket in the centre of the aisle. Which is a soft, velvet red - like the roses decorating the outside of the casket - Alex. Tears burn in my eyes. I try to blink them back, stop them from falling. He wouldn't want you to cry, I tell myself, swallowing the lump in my throat. 

But he's not here.

Dad pulls me closer to him, rubbing my shoulder. "It'll be okay, Jamie." 

Will it? Will it really? I nod weakly, biting down on my lip. I know for a fact it won't. I wouldn't have made it this far without him. I wouldn't even be here without him. 

Everyone starts to form a single file line in the aisle, making their way up to the casket to bow, cry or just stare. Paying their respects. Something prickles inside of me like a thorn. So many people knew Alex, but no one really knew him. Not like I did. They probably don't even care.

Dad's hand brushes my back - I didn't even notice he dropped it before. "Do you want to go up?" he asks, looking down at me with his steely blue-gray eyes, darkening with despair.

It's not really a question. Of course I have to go up. But at the same time, I don't think I can. I can't look at him, not when he's...  I just nod and start to shuffle out of the aisle, Dad close behind as we join the line. I cast a glance over my shoulder, catching sight of an all too familiar face walk through the church doors. 

Sadie. I frown as a few others follow - some people from school. Sadie meets my eyes, and I feel them pierce through me. I turn my gaze back to the front. Dad furrows his brows at me, lips in a grim line. What are the others doing here? Who even are they? There's two other girls, from Sadie's semi-popular clique - but there was another. A tall, bulky dude wearing a hoodie so I couldn't make out his face.

The line moves forward, ever so slowly. Why are they here? I think, the anger from before resurfacing. I get why Sadie is here, but the other three? I don't even know who they are - but they don't look like someone Alex would hangout with. They probably came here just to be able to say they were here, at his funeral; dress up in slutty black dresses and pretty cry for attention.