To See With Closed Eyes

17. Curved Horns

He waits a little and you begin to wonder if he will fight you on it, debunk your claim. Instead, he looks you up and down and tells:

"You're prettier than our last one."

He puts a hand on your arm and then leaves you there. You're smiling now, barely, but it is still a smile. The reprieve from sadness is relieving. From far away you watch as the sun calmly sets, leaving the sky blooming with pink and orange light.

--

It is night when you decide to leave the waterside. The cold has come back and you're shivering, having to hold your arms around your body as you walk to your cabin. But you stop as you step in front of the main hall. A fire is still burning inside and yet, there are no sound. Your instincts are telling you to keep walking, but a deeper need pushes you to enter and see. 

You don't see anyone at first, he blends in the background so well, sitting on his throne. You can clearly hear your heart beating in your chest and feel the blood pumping in your veins. He is drinking from a curved horn, looking at his sword, playing with it. It feels like an eternity before he acknowledge your presence.

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't know."

"Leave, I don't want you here."

You consider obeying him, but again, that feeling, that something lodged deep inside you, forces you in place, urging you to stay.

"Did Floki talked about me at dinner?"

He throws the horn away and you follow it with your eyes as it rolls away, the rest of the ale spilling on the floor.

"Is that a yes?"

The roll of his eyes and the shaking of his head leaves you to think that it is far from his first drink. You locate a pitcher, half-full. Taking it with both hand you drink directly from it. The liquid burns your throat as you force yourself to finish it. When you finally put it down, too out of breath to finish, Ivar is gazing with visible confusion.

"Hvitserk told me you were angry," you say before managing to finish the ale. "He didn't have to, I'd already seen it yesterday and besides, when are you not? But still, he paid me a little visit and I couldn't help but feel like I need to make it better before Bjorn arrives." Nothing remains in the pitcher and you already locate another pitcher a table over. "That's why I'm here."

Again, he does not answer. Just getting to that other pitcher, you regret your decision to drink. Your head turns as you throw it back to drink out the pitcher. Wiping the droplets that escaped your lips you study his face. You know him, you know that if he really, really wanted you gone, you would already be out of the town. If not already dead. He wouldn't have listened to Floki or anyone.

You're not sure if the ale is making you nauseous or more so the truthful nature of your next words. "I missed you when I was away."

You stare at the floor in shame, it is easier than to do his face. You aren't sure if you really want to know how he feels about it. Still, it is not so much a want than a need to makes you speak. "Did you miss me?" your breath is shaky and when you raise your chin, your eyes stop at his lips before being trapped in the storm of his eyes. Drowning.

"I thought you were dead."

"I'm sorry about that." It was necessary, but that, you don't need to say. "I shouldn't have left without a word, I know that. But it..."

"Why did you?"

"What?"

"Why did you leave?"

"The gods..."