To See With Closed Eyes

17. Curved Horns

DAY 184 – SPRING

You pace back and forth in your little cabin. Having refused Ubbe's previous invitation to have dinner with him and his brother, you still couldn't bear the idea to eat a full meal. Grieving was hard enough, grieving a sister you abandoned is even more tragic. And on top of it, you have to prepare yourself for your talk with the sons of Ragnar.

What is there even to be said? Floki will be there to back your claim but what if they don't believe you? What if they think you're just trying to make a place for yourself and that's all? What if you can't prove your worth to them?

The sun is completely gone now, and the usual cold of the town is spaced open by a warm breeze of the summer to come. It is fine enough to take a walk without a coat and so you decide to go. You know staying inside will only worsen your anxiety. You might have left for only a season, but it looks different. The houses are brighter under the rain from last night, the leaves, green as can be, have already cover most of the trees. The forest is pretty much uniformly green, it feels weird. Has it ever been this vibrant? From what you can remember, Kattegat was grey, all of it. The people, the trees, the dirt. Now there are more colors, more life.

It isn't better.

It is different. It feels like a new place, maybe because you are a new person. Floki succeeded in making you aware of it. Now, by looking around, you see it.

You sit down on the dock, looking at the blue water and the boats floating peacefully in it. Your sister has gone that way. You close your eyes, trying to imagine her happy, peaceful. It's a good feeling, and you want it to be real. You're desperate for it to be real. You can't even remember what is the last thing you said to her. You do know however that it wasn't enough, wasn't right. She deserved to know that you loved her, but she never got the chance to hear it. Maybe one day you will see her again and you'd empty your heart to her.

"Can I sit next to you?"

The thick accent has you turn around. You blink away some tears and recognize Ivar's brother, Hvitserk. He doesn't immediately speak, the creaking of boats soothing enough to drift you away from him.

"I can speak your language now," you tell him in Norse.

"Floki taught you?"

"No, the gods did."

He believes in the gods but not in this. Not in simple magic, like you present it. Not in the aura that emanates out of you. You don't need Odin's eye to see that.

"When will Bjorn arrive?"

"We sent words this morning, we expect him in one or two days."

That means that tomorrow, or the day after that, you will have to face them all. The knot in your stomach grows tighter thinking about it. Belief and proof do not come hand in hand. You get distracted for an instant by two children playing near the water, splashing each other, their laughter gleeful.

"Ivar is angry." He says, his voice full of worry.

"Ivar is always angry."

"Maybe but..."

"You're worried for me or about me?"

"Can it be a little bit of both?"

"I suppose."

You give him a smile and he gives one back.

"I'm not here to corrupt anyone, you know. I don't want power, I don't want war, I don't even want peace. I don't want anything."

"Then why are you even here?"

 You knew why you're here, the answer is simple. "I'm here to play my role, I'm your new seer." This one of many times you say and will say it.