"So not only is he there, but you are too. I can't just live normally anymore." Seojun said.
"You weren't before anyway." Miyeon shrugged, and his head shot up. "You're returning from not being at school. People think you beat someone up - of course you wouldn't do that but who knows-"
"You don't know. But if you really must, it was family reasons. My mom, specifically." He grumbled, a sudden lapse in his usual demeanour, before he kicked the rubbish away with a certain aggressive that made Miyeon shiver.
"I never asked to be back. If you're going to try and argue about me on this, remember that. It was my parents, it had nothing to do with me." She cleared her throat. "I didn't do it Seojun, you know I didn't."
"You did. You did. You're a part of why he did it. Why couldn't you have just accepted - he was struggling already, he was struggling. You could have accepted and maybe you wouldn't have had to move away to New York."
"It's not my fault." Miyeon replied, staring at the ground. "Don't say that, really. It wasn't me. It's not my fault things worked out like that. False hope ruins things. I didn't want to ruin our friendship."
"So you didn't want to ruin your friendship, but instead let it end? Not just for you, but for all of us?" Seojun raised his voice a little. "Why did you have to come back now, of all times. Almost a year later and you've come back and made it even worse."
Miyeon, having had enough, stood up straight and was about to leave, when she felt Seojun hook his finger around the loop at the top of her backpack and pull her back.
"It's your fault he died. You and Suho. He could've still been here. You just had to say yes once." He said, the cruel words biting at Miyeon, who tugged her backpack out of his grasp and rushed out of the side street.
She had cried enough in the last year to last her a lifetime, and a sense of embarrassment flooded over her as she felt tears spike in the corners of her eyes as she stalked away, hearing the sound of a motorbike echoing in the streets just moment later.
Slipping into the bus stop, Miyeon pretended to not notice that it was Suho sat at the other side of the seat, keeping her head down and clutching her bus pass, hair falling over her face.
He seemed to have the right idea - continue ignoring the both of them - and didn't say anything, not whilst she was waiting, or when her bus arrived and she got on.
Slumping in her seat, Miyeon leant her head against the window, pushing the one in front of her open just a little. Wiping her eyes, she sniffed, feeling the continuous feeling of guilt settle in her stomach.
The bus arrived at her stop and she got off, walking the short way home slowly, scuffing her feet against the ground every so often. She had no idea when her mother would be back, or what hours her father worked - but she assumed the house would be empty when she returned.
And she was right. Not even Eunjoo was there, a note on the counter detailing that she had gone to visit her sister for the day.
Miyeon climbed up the stairs to her room, shutting the door behind her, her backpack sliding off her her shoulders as she lay down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling.
Seojun was right - Miyeon hadn't even noticed the date. It was almost a year and she hadn't noticed.
Of all the times her parents could've decided for her return - they decided then. It was awful, it felt awful. And she felt so, so guilty.
The tears that had appeared in her eyes earlier returned again, slipping silently down onto her cheeks, slowly getting worse and worse, Miyeon curling up into a ball, a blanket pulled over her.
Seojun might think she was acting as if it ever happened, like it was so easy for her to forget. He said she was haunting him, but the truth was she was haunted by the same thoughts every day, and just pretended that she didn't think them.
Pushing them aside to deal with later. But that later would never come, and they just kept building up.
Being back wasn't helping either, and for the first time in a while Miyeon felt the urge to go to the bathroom and do the one thing that she had sworn to everyone that she would never do again.
Something that the old Seojun would have shaken her for and told her off. But the new Seojun wouldn't even notice. Nobody would.
Her time in New York hadn't been a time of healing, although it had helped her a lot. Truly, beneath all the bright city lights and blaring car horns, it was the place where Miyeon would carefully put on the mask.
And hope that it didn't slip.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
