The Ordinary Haunting

5. The Useless Start

I walked into the office, ready. It was just where I figured I needed to be in order to crack New Thitipoom and move on to the afterlife.

"Tay, how long does Hideko have to redraft this month's release?"

"'Til this Friday."

"Vihokratana, Off said you have the proofs for Backaof's sequel? Any good?"

"Why do you call-- Never mind, I don't care. Yeah, it's good. I've got Benn on copy now."

"Oh, Tay, are you going to lunch? Can I ask you to grab a croissant for me? I'm slammed. You're an angel, thank you."

"Money, Gigie."

"Tawannnnnnnnnn--"

"Jumpollllllllllll."

"No but like, get out of my chair?"

"Huh? Oh."

I pushed myself to my feet and kneed Off's chair over to him, then went back to watching the kettle boil. Off dropped into his chair and spun himself a few times, looking pointedly around the tea room.

"You wheeled my chair into the tea room."

"I know."

"You're dead."

"For the chair?"

"No, I mean for real."

"Oh. I know."

"And you're working so hard."

"I know."

"You're not getting paid."

"I know."

"What the fuck kind of idiot are you?"

"I know."

Off and I looked at each other and before I knew anything else, we were laughing. We started snorting so loudly that Arm came rolling backwards through the door on his own chair and we fell over ourselves laughing even more. Both Krist and Singto poked their heads in to check on the commotion, but quickly retreated when Krist saw a tea bag swinging madly mid-air and turned vaguely green in the face. Eventually the kettle began to steam and I picked myself up to turn it off. Both of my friends hastily wheeled their chairs away from me, bumping into opposite ends of the small break room.

Neither of them had enjoyed the Jell-O experience.

"For real, what are you even doing, Tay?" Arm asked as he yawned. Little tears of mirth were still stuck to the sides of his nose. "Is your mission just to work for all of eternity?"

"It could be," I replied with a not-totally-joking smile. "First ghost to get tethered to his job, how about that?"

"BORING," yelled Off. "You're here, I'm here, we're all here for the dirt on Thitipoom."

"You mean the literal dirt? Seriously, Tay, stop digging in his pot plants."

"I think maybe I'm here to learn how he grows his plants. What if they got a garden all ready for me, like I wanted, then saw my embarrassing plant-growing skills and realised, 'Oh shit, he'll kill everything.'" I breathed in my tea while reaching over to open the letterbox window in the corner of the room behind a mostly yellow dieffenbachia.

"Well I would not put it past you to kill a plant in the afterlife, but c'mon. Four days and you've found nothing?"

I shrugged at Arm. "The guy keeps a clean house. How about you? You had a whole lunch with him. Actual conversation and everything."

Arm sighed. "You know as well as I do -- I guess better than I do, now -- that that guy is all work and no play."

"He plays with his cat," I said flatly.

Off used his toes to drag himself back beside the sink and reached for the tap. I immediately began spinning his chair.

"You're being weird," he said, crossing his arms even as his head started to wobble unevenly. "Where's your eagerness gone?"

"I don't know," I replied, biting at some loose skin on my lip. "It is weird. This whole thing. Don't you think? Anyway, I get this sick feeling in my stomach every time I open a cupboard or a drawer, or try to peek at his text messages over his shoulder. I can't do it. I touched a dust pan in his broom closet last night and the result was six hours of yoga and meditation until he got up for breakfast, after which I sat with my forehead against the wall humming Tilly Birds songs."

I brought Off to a halt and he slid sideways to slump face-down over his seat with a groan.

"It's been four extremely long days of that, basically."

Arm patted Off on the back, sighing. "You're too good of a guy, I swear. Alright, new plan. For now." He raised an eyebrow at me and I showed my palms in acquiescence.

"What plan?" Off muttered at the floor.

"We go at him from a different angle."

"A different angle?" I asked.

"We?" Off gurgled.

"Can I get to the fridge, please?"

The three of us looked up and individually choked on our own tongues. New was standing in the doorway, eyes roving from Arm to Off unreadably. Off hurried to sit up and squeezed in next to Arm so that a path to the fridge would be clear. I had to lift myself onto the edge of the sink to avoid the wheels of his chair crushing my feet. New gave a small nod in thanks and walked in. He was wearing a charcoal grey suit he'd grabbed still half asleep that morning, but he'd thrown off the jacket early in the day and now his shirt was visibly untucked in the back as always. His hair was slightly kinked on the left side, which I knew was from Luna climbing up onto his pillows at exactly 1:04am and settling herself almost entirely on top of his face.

That was a thing I knew. Weird. Too freaking weird.

"Thitipoom, you--"

"I'm sorry about Tawan."

If my heart were beating anymore, it would have stopped. Arm and Off had frozen beside me. New closed the fridge door behind him and scratched at his ear with one hand while holding a wrapped sandwich in the other.

Chicken, lettuce and tomato, my brain told no-one.

"He's around, right? Like, here?"

If my mouth were producing saliva anymore, it would have turned dry. If my bladder were filling anymore, I would have peed myself. Etcetera. For all we'd dismissed it as a given, it took me a moment to process this development. Arm, thankfully, had unfrozen and stood up haggardly.

"Yeah, he is. You can't see him?"

New shook his head. "No, but I've never been able to see ghosts." My blood came rushing back (not, but I kinda felt like it did). There was a tiny twitch at the corner of his mouth. "Anyway, with everyone shouting for him today, it was like any normal day at the office. Tell him if he really wants to work, Hideko called to cry about the edits. Otherwise, tell him to tell people to piss off. We don't have any policies that cover ghost employees."

I almost laughed. He raised his sandwich in farewell and headed for the door.

Arm put out a hand to stop him. "Wait, New," he said. I spotted his very specific and identifiable Scheme Face a second too late. "Speaking of Tay."

~~~~

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