Amnesia

Chapter 32

The chair I'm seated on is cold. The little cubicle I am in is far from clean. 

It's just one minute to 3 o'clock. He will be here any second.

My hands feel clammy and my heart has been racing for the past ten minutes. 

I obviously have so many questions. But the majority of them are not for Ahren to answer. I just have one that I want him to answer. 

There are other people visiting prisoners in the cubicles beside me. Muted conversations that I have no desire to hear anyway. There is a glass partition between the visitor and inmate. Precautionary measures. Which I can understand. But it seems like most of the people visiting are ones the inmate would never dream of hurting. But in my case it is somewhat a relief; I have no idea how Ahren is going to react to me being here today. 

The door in the inmate area opens. I take a deep breath. It's him. 

He seems surprised that he has a visitor. When his eyes fall upon me he looks taken aback. He comes over and takes a seat anyway. 

I press the 'microphone on' button on my side. He does the same.

"Hi." I say. 

"Hi." He looks around behind me, "Are you alone?"

The question makes me uneasy, but I realize its a general act of curiosity.

"Yes." 

"I thought you would have Kaius with you. I didn't think he'd ever let you near me." 

"He doesn't know I'm here. I just came to ask you something." 

"Okay."

"And I want the truth. There is no point in you lying to me, it won't gain you anything." 

He reluctantly nods. 

I ponder how to put the question, "Did this part of you approve of what you were doing?"

His eyebrows knit together, "What do you mean?"

"Did this part of you," I point to him, "-did who you are right now, approve of everything you did to me and Kaius?" 

He sits back in his chair with his eyebrows raised. It was obviously not the question he was expecting.

He's quiet for a long time. Staring absently at the ground.

"I never wanted to hurt anybody. I just...wanted you to love me. But I knew you could never."

My heart sinks. 

"But how could you ever reason that kidnapping me was the right way to do that? I would have always found out, no matter what you tried to do it would be inevitable that something would give you away."

"I know that. I was just...angry. I would have done anything to keep you by my side."

"I'm sorry I couldn't love you back. But a person can never force themselves to love."

"So are you going to go home and snuggle with Kaius because he told you that you loved him?" His eyes are full of hurt and resentment.

"No. We are taking a break until I can remember things. Because he doesn't want to force me into anything." I state. 

"Oh how nice." He says, every word dripping with sarcasm. Then he shakes his head, "I'm sorry. I just can't get past this jealousy. It's just...what if I never forget you? What if, all my life, when I meet someone new, I can never fall for them because they aren't you."

And with that, my heart breaks into a million pieces. 

"You will Ahren. You will forget me." I bring myself to smile. It's what he needs.

He smiles back, "I am sorry for everything. I will do my best to move on."

"Thank you, Ahren." I stand up from my seat, "Goodbye." I figure that's a long enough chat to get him thinking about his actions.

I start to walk away, when from behind me he mumbles, "I bet that was what you wanted to hear wasn't it."

I spin round. "What?"

He's holding back a smirk, "What?"

"What did you just say?"

"I think you heard me." He sucks in air through his teeth as though it was an awkward situation. But he has an all too pleased look on his face. 

I'm suddenly so angry at him, "I cannot believe this. You are still acting like you have the high ground, even though you are in prison right now. Where is the need in that? I just asked for you to be honest with me."

He is lent back in his chair with his hands behind his head. A huge grin across his face. "Where would be the fun in that?" 

I glare at him, "You are lucky I feel sorry for you because of your disorder, otherwise I would show no mercy toward you."

"What disorder?"

"Your Personality disorder."

He scoffs, "I don't have a personality disorder."

"Yes, you do."

"Who told you that?"

"Kaius said your father told him." 

"Well, there you go. He tells everyone that. So they don't 'prejudge' me as an 'untrustworthy person'." He uses air quotes mockingly. 

A new view of Ahren has replaced the innocent one in my mind. All the sympathy I had for him has disappeared. 

"So...are you gonna 'show me no mercy' now?" He snickers. 

I turn and leave before I either explode or burst in to tears. 

   My uncle Trevor drives me home and I trudge into the house.

Kaius comes along the hall way looking concerned. 

"What's going on? You never told your parents where you were going." 

I take a few steps toward him and lean my head on his chest. 

"Ahren is so mean." I burst in to tears. 

I hear him and my uncle Trevor whispering quickly before he leaves us alone. 

Kaius pets my head and shushes me.

"It's okay, just tell me what happened."