Family Tithes

Big Girls Don't Cry

"It's Caesar's," He croaks out.

I suck in a sharp breath. Suddenly it feels like I'm sinking through the floor.

"What?" I whisper.

"It's Caese's," Ace cries.

My eyes get watery. I shake my head. It doesn't make sense. He was just blowing up my phone a few hours ago.

But I haven't been able to get in touch with him the last couple of times I tried.

Now, Ace is here with blood on his shirt two days after I found out Caesar was a snitch. I didn't tell him, but that doesn't mean he didn't find out some other way.

Rage flows through me.

"What did you do?" I ask.

Ace chokes back tears. He looks at me.

"What?"

"What did you do?!" I yell.

I attack him before he can answer. I wail on him anywhere my fists will land.

"What did you do?! What did you do?!" I scream.

Ace grabs my wrists but it doesn't stop me.

"Nothing, Candyce! I didn't do nothing! It was Simon!" He says.

I stop fighting him.

"What?" I ask.

"It was Simon. He did a drive-by outside The Loft. I don't...I don't know why but he killed him, Candyce. Simon killed Caesar," Ace says.

With those words, I feel my entire world collapse.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a light turn on in the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Mama asks.

I can't. I just can't.

I place my hands over my ears. I walk until my back hits the wall. Then I slide down it. Ace walks over to me. He crouches down in front of me. I hear him calling my name, but I don't answer.

Mama shuffles in the room in her pink robe and house slippers. Both of their voices are muffled through my hands. It's like I'm not even here right now. All I can think about is Simon and Caesar.

I knew they didn't like each other but to go as far as killing him? It doesn't make sense. Simon wouldn't do that to me. He wouldn't take away the only boy I've ever loved.

Then again, I know my brother better than anyone. Simon would stop at nothing to see Ace hurt even if it means hurting me too.

Caesar.

So much of my life involved him. My happiest and saddest memories are filled with his face. He was there for what feels like my entire childhood. He was my first crush, my first love, my first heartbreak—my first everything. Caesar was a part of me.

I think back to the voicemail he left me. I'll never hear him utter more than those words. I'll never kiss him again. We'll never argue and make up again. He's gone.

Caesar's gone.

I feel a part of myself slowly slip away. I don't bother trying to catch it. If Caesar's gone, it's only natural I lose a part of me too.

Suddenly, someone bangs on the door. It's so loud even I look up.

"Ace Ortiz! This is the New Orleans Police Department! We have a warrant for your arrest! Come out with your hands up!"

I lean my head back against the wall. What the fuck is even happening tonight?

Ace stands up. He looks at the door like he's gonna' shit on himself. Then he looks at Mama.