Stay With Me - Yeongyu FF

Chapter 28

"Have you been taking all your meds?" he asks, avoiding my question.

I lower my head guiltily "N-Not really"

He gives me a look of shock "No? Then... How?"

"I-I don't know" I admit.

"In that case... You've been hanging around with, er... What's his name - Yeonjun? - quite often recently?"

I nod, not understanding what this has to do with anything.

"Maybe... Maybe what was also holding you back 8 months ago was your pessimistic thoughts on life. Nowadays, with Yeonjun, maybe you have more will to live, and are putting more effort in pushing back the illness, without actually realising it"

I nod again, but look at him in a way that should remind him that I'm expecting an answer.

He understands that look: "I'm not sure it can add you an extremely long time. For now, I think you won't reach the terminal phase until a year from now, which gives you a total of two extra years to live"

"So... basically until I'm 23?"

"Yeah, close enough, except you're not 21 yet"

"I almost am" I say, sighing in pain at the realisation. Damn. Almost 21 already...

But still, once I join 'Ma again and we're in the car, I can't help but smile. 'Ma realises it, and asks me what's up.

"Mom" I say, making it start slightly dramatically even though I'm smiling from ear to ear.

"Yes hun?" she says, acting all sad and concerned.

"I... got an extra year to live!" I say, jumping up and down on my seat.

"Really?! Wait, how?"

"We don't really know. Dr. Jeon says it's because I'm more willing to live now"

"Well, I'm happy for you. And for Yeonjun because believe me, he'll be so appeased and happy to know you'll be living longer"

"Dr. Jeon said there was maybe going to be an extra year before I enter the terminal phase"

"Perfect! Knowing that in the first place, it was planned that you'd die in like, 10 months, that's all we could ever ask for"

"I can't believe you calculate that. Isn't it depressing?"

"I like to know how much time I have left with my son"

I smile, but stay silent. When we reach our house, I explain to her all that Dr. Jeon has said, and how I might be able to live even longer than that if I keep going like this. 'Ma says that, in that case, I should also be careful and take my meds, that way it will be even better.

Once we're done with our conversation, I head upstairs to my room to have a bit of privacy while I call Junie. His reaction is priceless when I tell him the news. I wonder if I didn't hear him crying on the other side of the line. I know that, if it were me in his place, I would have also had that reaction.

"My parents have been telling me since the very beginning that there were even chances that you couldn't even make it till 18 months, and now, now you're telling me you still got two years to go. I... I can't believe this! It's a miracle! You got to be fooling around with me"

"I swear I'm not. When we left for 'mother-son time' we actually left to see Dr. Jeon. He checked me up and said I was even better than before. He said I might be able to avoid the terminal phase for an extra year, which gives me two years total to live. He even said that if I kept on going like this, I might live even longer! And I wasn't even taking my meds properly! Imagine if I start taking reaaallly care of that stupid illness... Maybe I'll be able to live like, 5 years extra!"

"That would be great, Gyu! But don't get your hopes up too high, or you'll never come down until you falter"

"Yeah yeah, I know" But I didn't lower my hopes at all.

I think I have the right to be happy for one thing that isn't about Yeonjun. That didn't happen often in the past, now I'm going to make it happen, because I don't want my happiness to be solely based on Yeonjun, because the days when he's doing something else, or he's not home and we can't meet up or talk, I don't want to be sad. I still want to be able to contain my joy to keep myself alive.

I know I'm very dependent on Yeonjun, not that I mind, neither does he. I just also want to have joy on my own, joy that I create for myself, joy that I can make use of if Yeonjun is ever too busy for me - if I ever let that happen.

All of a sudden, I realise I've been lost in thought for something as selfish as my own happiness, so I just quickly apologise to Yeonjun, who didn't really understand why I was silent so suddenly, thinking I've gone sad.

We end up talking about the next time we'll meet up and how, and finish the conversation when we come to an agreement to meet up in two days at a park. Once we end the call, I head back downstairs to ask 'Ma, who was preparing lunch.

After I got her approbation to go, I help her prepare our lunch while we chat about everything and nothing, about the sky and the weather, about clouds and stars, light and darkness, night and day, examples and counterexamples, something we always do, talking about something, then the opposite, mixing up two completely different things, because we both know that even our different point of views can't separate us, as cliché as it seems.

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Another chapter the day after the last one

Inspiration's gone rogue on me. It's come back for the first time in months, and I hope it'll stay.

Have a good day/night <3