Harry Potter and the Bucket List

Year 3 - 2

"... Thank you?"

It was dark out the window, rain battered against the train. All the lamps had gone out. I could hear the nervous chatter of the students in the surrounding cabins. I sat up slowly, rubbing at my eyes as I fought the urge to yawn.

"What's going on?" asked a nervous Neville. "Think we've broken down?"

"Dunno."

Ice had begun to form on the window.

"Oh."

I knew there would be dementors coming. I had anticipated feeling something equivalent to depression when they did arrive. The ice on the window foretold their coming, and I prepared myself.

I knew, intellectually, that there was an honest chance I would be forced to relieve those terrible memories. Emotionally, I had to admit I was a little scared. I had done my best to neatly tuck away those memories. I was not ready to deal with them.

To be honest, I wasn't sure if I would ever be ready to deal with them.

As soon as that ice started to form across the window I clenched my teeth, curled my hands into fists and waited for the worst.

I had not anticipated feeling anything other than depressed.

Depressed was not how I felt.

Oh, no. Not even close.

Shivers ran down my arms and back in a soothing manner. It was chilly, as cold as when Tom's magic first entered me. I could see my breath billow out, and Harry started to shiver beside me—he and Neville had moved closer to me when the lights went out. I reached out a comforting hand to place it on both of the boys' shoulders.

No, no.

The stronger the presence of the dementors became, the calmer I felt.

It was a serene peace that soothed aches I didn't even know I had. They were a refreshing dip in a winter lake that eased the swollen joints of my soul. Cold, bitterly so, but oh so relaxing. The goosebumps were reminiscent of ASMR, really. It was a lull, a sweet, tantalizing lull that beckoned me to sleep.

It was exactly like that moment when I had ki—

I stopped that thought process there, a new sickening sensation crawling into my stomach as I realized what exactly the dementors felt like.

Was it a coincidence?

It—it had to be, right?

Or... no, maybe not.

Not a lot of concrete information was available about dementors. Exactly what caused some people to feel depression, apathy, or relive painful memories couldn't be explained as anything other than what they are. For thousands of years witches and wizards had been trying to recreate the effect dementors had as spells, potions, or protection wards, but none have succeeded.

There was a fundamental difference in what the dementors were, and what people perceived them to be.

Research about them was considered Dark and highly regulated. Even the Black library had only a single chapter about them in their Dark books.

I had not placed much interest in the dementors previously, but now—

Is the aura not one of depression... but rather one of death, or near death?

For most death was a terrifying thing and it could likely trigger traumatic memories, or regrets they have. Death was hard to face, and the fear of the unknown was even harder to deal with.