•Book 1 • To Defy Fate • KageHina•

•20•

All colour leaves my face, despite my heartbeat speeding up. I want to react. I want to hold him. I want to tell him it's okay and remove that sad look from his face. But I can only stare at him in silence, knowing that I fucked up badly, and am probably making it worse.

Neither of us say a word. The only sound that can be heard is the wind blowing through the leaves of the trees surrounding us.

A feeling I have never been faced with the last eighteen years. Something different from the affection my close family has shown me. The opposite of what people usually think of me. Is this the feeling I couldn't identify when he was looking at me?

But also... why me? When have I ever done anything likeable? Shouldn't it be the opposite way around? If anything, he is the kind of person people should fall in love with. He is bright, easy to get along with, people can talk to him, and he's just not some easily annoyed, dark person like me.

And why now? Is it really because I didn't distance myself enough? But then again... What did I do to deserve this? Maybe if everything had been over, and I could let everything be... But now, while I can't do anything but walk away, or I'll die?

'Kageyama...?' Hinata's obviously nervous voice finally breaks the silence.

I know silence isn't the right answer, but what am I supposed to say? I don't even know what I would say if this was a normal situation. Something is definitely wrong with me. Because through all the nerves and confusion I am feeling, I also notice that my heart speeding isn't just because of that. If I wasn't dying to it... Would I give in to this unexplainable desire to just hold him?

And I know that, if I live to see the day, I will be with Hinata. It's kind of weird to think about, but that is how it is meant to be. Just... not now. So why? Why did he already develop those feelings? And, even if I should know better... why did I?

When's the last time I have felt this many emotions, all at once? And when did I ever get so honest with myself?

'Please don't.' It's the only thing I can think of. 'Please don't do this...'

He looks surprised. It's obviously not the answer he expected. It's not the answer I wanted to give, either. But I can't do anything about it. For a moment longer, we stay in peaceful silence, until it appears to have gotten through to him.

'I'm sorry.' He looks at the sky. 'Please understand that I can't... I can't be friends with you anymore.'

Without giving me any time to react, he gets up. He looks even more sad than before. Of course he does. I'm an idiot. But it's for the best. Until both of our lives are safe. No matter how unfair it is, it's the only way to survive.

I watch him leave, the sunset matching his bright orange hair. And as the light disappears, so does the colour he filled my world with.

~I feel like this is kinda boring but the ideas I have in my mind are images and I can only make words and boi I wish I was a mangaka -J~