The Wallflower's Journal

Charcoal shadows

As we sat under the shade tree we talked of random subjects. We talked of songs, composers, authors, cafeteria foods, previous jobs, artists, etc. I sketched in my sketchbook as we talked. Although I only got three sketches in, compared to my eight I do normally. The sketches I did finish were of the girl and the puppy, a teenage girl messing around on the balance beams, and a father and son playing baseball. Clark's company was actually, disturbingly enough, a pleasant change. I glanced down at my phone and saw I had a missed call from my father.

"Excuse me but I need to call my dad back." I looked up at Clark. He nodded. I dialed his number and put the phone up to my ear. It rang three times before he picked up.

"There you are! I was about to call you again." he said in an exasperated tone.

"Sorry. What did you need?"

"The surgery went well so I might be home earlier than 10:00 tonight. Depending if they make me work the night shift or not."

"That's great! I guess I'll see you at home then?"

"Maybe. Where are you?"

"The park. I was just about to get ready to leave. Why?" I scowled slightly.

"No reason. Just ckecking to see where you are. I'll try to dodge the late shift and will see you at home Lise."

"Okie Dad. Bye and Love you!"

"Love you too darling." The line went dead. I set my phone in my bag and looked up at Clark. He was looking out towards the lake as if staring off into space. His brown hair rustled slightly because of the breeze.

"Hey. You okay?"

"Not really. But I'll make do."

"Ummm. Okay. I need to get home. But this has been nice. Its nice to have someone to talk to again."

"Again?"

"Yeah. I used to have a friend but he died a few years ago."

"Oh. I apologize. I didn't know."

"It's okay. It's just something I don't talk about."

"If you don't mind me asking, would it be alright if I get your number?" I chuckled.

"Sure. But please no prank calls" He looked atme with a glint of mischeif in his eye. I gulped. He chuckled.

"No promises." He handed me the phone out of his pocket. I typed in my name and number and saved it to his phone. He grinned and stuck it back into his pocket. He stood and turned to me. He offerred his hand. I grabbed it and he helped me up. We gathered everything I had brought and began walking back to the cars.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked suddenly. He hesitated before answering.

"You seem like you need someone to be nice to you." I looked down at my feet as we walked and let that sink in. Did I seem sad? Did I seem a little broken hearted? Did I look stressed?

"Oh." I replied after a bit. We passed through the small little gate that led to the parking lot. We stood by my car not saying anything for a moment.

"I'll text you later so that you have my number." He said softly. I looked up at his face. He wasn't looking at me but at the ground like I had been a moment ago. I suddenly felt guilty. I make things awkward and thats how I lose people I care about. I opened that back passenger door and began putting things away. Tears welled in my eyes. I bit them back knowing it would only make it worse.

"I'm going to go." I replied barely above a whisper. I feared if I was a little louder my voice would have cracked. Without looking back at him again I climbed into my driver seat and closed the door. I started the engine and backed out leaving him standing there.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Clark's P.O.V.

I stood there silently staring after her as she pulled out of the parking lot. Had I said something wrong? What did I do to upset her? Is she crying right now because of me? I could hear the pain in her voice when she had said "I'm going to go." She said it as if we had just broken up. We had only just met and she's thinking of this as a failure. Is it weird for me to be overthinking this?

I shook my head and got into my car. I sat there for a moment and gathered my thoughts. I started the engine and backed out. I drove back to my apartment thinking about if I should text her or not. I mean somethings wrong. I don't know if it was my fault but I just want to find out. I pulled up to the gate and rolled down my window to type the passcode in the little box in order to open the gate. I watched as the gate opened at an extremely, excruciatingly slow pace.

I pulled into an available parking space near my apartment. I grabbed my backpack and got out. I slowly climbed the steps upto the second floor and walked down the hallway to apartment 2B. I only lived in an apartment because I had no one to really live with. No family, no distant relatives, no adult figures who lliked me enough to take me in, nobody. I threw my backpack on the couch and walked into the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, I brushed my hair back with my fingers. The stress was already getting to me.

I pulled out my phone and contemplaed wether to text her or not. I went through my contacts and opened a new message. I hesitated.

Clark: Hey little dancer.

I stared at the screen for a minute after I sent it. I sighed and set it on the counter. I opened the fridge and grabbed a soda. My phone buzzed. I quickly grabbed it and saw that I had a message.

Anna: hi

Clark: Why'd you leave so fast?

A: I'm sorry. I had to get home.

C: Oh okay. Are you okay?

A: I'm fine.

I hesitated before sending anything. I knew that when a girl says shes "fine" she isn't actually fine. Although I didn't want to pressure her into telling me anythiing.

C: Okay just wanted to make sure. You seemed a little upset right before you left.

A: Well, thanks. I guess..... I had a little bit of a headache so I might have been a little moody.

C: Ohhhh well I'll see you tomorrow then?

A: Yeah. Have a good night.

C: Goodnight little dancer.