Red vs Blue x Male OC / Season 4

S4 • E5 - Lost in Triangulation

Tucker: "Okay. Church, is trying to get a translator. So that we can talk to each other."

Church: "Tucker, the enormous alien doesn't speak our language, speaking slowly is not gonna help."

Tucker: "What? I'm talking to Caboose."

Church: "Oh."

Caboose: "I don't understand. Are- are- are you hungry? Tucker are you hungry? Are you cold?"

Tucker: "What? No."

Caboose: Do you need a blanket? Tucker, do you want some hot dogs in a blanket?

Tucker: Dammit no, Caboose I'm not cold, I don't want a hot dog, and if you put mustard in my fucking sheets again I'm gonna kill you.

Caboose: Okay gargantuan alien, now that we have decided to keep you, you need a real name. I vote for Fluffy.

Tucker: Fluffy?

Caboose: Fluffy! The alien that only loves!

Tucker: He's got to have a name. Why don't we just ask him? Hey alien dude, what's your name? Name. I am Tucker. This is Church. That is Ash. And  that's Bitch-pants McCrabby.

Tex: "Hey!"

Ash: "Tucker!"

Tucker: "Well that's what we call her."

Caboose: Not me, I call her Mrs. McCrabby.

Tex: "Thanks."

Church: "What, is your name?"

Alien: "Hernk Hurnk."

Church: "Your name."

Alien: "Hernk Hurnk."

Church: "Nayymuh."

Tucker: "Just keep repeating it Church, I'm sure he'll come up with the right definition on his own."

Church: "He is Tucker. Tucker. You are?"

Alien: "Hernk Hurnk."

Church: "No no. No. Not "honk honk." Name."

Alien: "Hernk Hurnk."

Church: "Okay, I give up, all this guy says is honk honk."

Tex: "Well have you ever considered the fact that his name is Honk Honk?"

Alien: "Glwargh?"

Tucker: "Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?"

Church: "Hyeah, I mean seriously, what kind of name is Honk Honk? Ash can you translate?"

Alien: "Glwargh?"

Ash: "Can't Church. My dictionary went missing."

Church: "Fine I'll ask myself. Hey, big alien, is your name Honk Honk?"

Alien: "Lwargh."

Church: "Hey wait a second, I think blarg means yes. Alien, does blarg mean yes?"

Alien: "Blarg."

Church: Holy shit! Blarg means yes, he just said yes blarg means yes. I speak alien!

Tex: "Yeah, unless blarg means no. In which case, he just said no, blarg does not mean yes."

Church: "What, no way. Hey alien, am I right?"

Alien: "Blarg."

Church: "Haha, see? The fuck do you know."

Back at Blood Gulch

Sarge: After the final tabulations, we've declared a winner! Grif, the envelope please.

Grif: "Envelope? We don't have any envelopes, this is the army."

Sarge: "Donut's the winner."

Donut: "Hoh, yes!"

Simmons: "Well, my life's officially over. Time to go kill myself."

Sheila: "Wait for me!"

Simmons: "Look, no offense imaginary tank, but I don't believe in you. You're just a product of my imagination."

Sheila: "Actually, I'm a product of the military contractor that made the lowest bid. I'm a little ashamed of that."

Simmons: "Well leave me alone, I can't have some imaginary tank ruining my excellent reputation. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go dig a hole to live in."

Simmons runs off a little bit.

Simmons: He sighs as he stopped. "I wish Grif was here. I could convince him there was food in the ground, then he would dig half the hole for me. Or, maybe a third of a hole. Then he'd use the shovel to eat oatmeal. On second thought I don't wish Grif was here."

Sheila: "You can live with me."

Simmons: "Just ignore it, it's not real."

Sheila: "I have my own base. In fact, I've made lots of renovations since you all left. See?"

Simmons turns to see Blue Base.

Simmons: "Hey, that's the old Blue base."

Sheila: "Yes! I was sent to guard it from something. I can't really remember what... some of my memory banks have failed over the years. Do you remember what the Blues were fighting?"

Simmons: "Uuuuuuh I think it was pirates."

Sheila: "Are you sure? I think it was another army. I think they were a different colour."

Simmons: "No, it was definitely pirates. No wait. Samurai!"

Sheila: "That doesn't sound right."

Simmons: "Yeah, pirates and samurai. And, I think there were some ninjas that were working with them.

Sheila: "Neaw, I don't think so."

Simmons: "And I think they had travelled, from another planet."

Sheila: "Incorrect."

Simmons: "I think it was called Cowboyland."

Sheila: "Negative."

Simmons: "And they were here to rustle up some cattle."

Sheila: "No."

Simmons: "But the Blues were gonna stop'em. With uh, one of them going all Ggost of Tsushima and 47 Ronin on them."

Sheila: "Naw."

Simmons: "No wait- monkeys. Monkey pirates."

Sheila: "Nope."

Simmons: "From ...Uranus."

Sheila: "My logical data analysis sector indicates that would be highly unlikely. And my bullshit meter agrees."