Secrets Until Someday

Chapter 30

    Sitting back and letting my little sister take the lead on this one I watch as the words tumble from her mouth. I'm not sure if I want to smile or crawl under the table. All of this outspoken conversation is new for the Dawson family and  I'm not sure what to do about it all. 

    "You watch your tone, young lady." The sternness in my father's voice grew deeper.

    "Sydney, Quinn, Maddie, and Kelsey are good people. They are always there for me and always support me win OR LOSE." Her hands shake along with her words.

    "Those girls have no respect and I can see they are finally rubbing off on you, first him, now you!" He points his finger at each of us. "My job as a father has been to try and prevent you two from becoming a product of this disrespectfulness but look! Here we are!" His hands now flying through the air like a toddler throwing a tantrum. "Both of you acting like a bunch of ungrateful brats because you have let these people into your life that don't have any clue how to show self-control or responsibility." He stands up his cheeks flaming red, retreating to his office, the echo of the door being slammed radiates through the kitchen.

     Layla and my mother both cry in their seats, I clear the table as Layla jumps to her feet rushing upstairs.

My mom pushes herself from her seat, "Are you happy now Brooks?" She cries.

    "Me? What did I do other than exactly what you asked? I said nothing!" I reply defensively.

    "You started this entire mess, you're infatuation with Sydney Graves has set this whole family ablaze. Until this whatever..." she flings her hands back and forth in the air,  "it is between the two of you our family could sit and have a meal together! Now....now it's just nonstop arguing!" Flustered and crying she also rushes up the stairs, another door slamming.

I'm standing in the middle of my childhood home with my jaw practically on the floor.

How did this become my fault? I think to myself.

Why is it so wrong for Layla to lose a volleyball game and for me to love Sydney?
How is that the worst thing that we could ever do?

The expectations my father has for his children are so over the top we feel like we must win to please him and the judgment he has towards others makes it feel like we are up on some pedestal. It's ridiculous amounts of pressure. A kind of pressure that has always left us believing that we must follow their every instruction or piece of advice so that everything around us doesn't crumble to pieces. It's like they have wanted us in this state of fear that makes us believe without their approval we are nothing, we have nothing. I never realized until now, how sheltered I have let them lead my life. How much confidence in myself and in my decisions they have stripped away because I've just always done as they told me I should do.

Unable to understand the complexities of my parent's thought process I finish clearing the table and make my way to the yoga mess of a bedroom that I have waiting for me.

    I text Sydney before I go to sleep telling her goodnight, she had told me Quinn was staying the night earlier but part of me wished that I could go back there, sleep on that small little couch just to be closer to her but I know she needs time with her friend. I close my eyes that night with a pit in my stomach, unsure if it was missing Sydney that has me in knots or if my mom was right and all of this mess is my fault.

***

    The next morning I got out of the house before anyone else emerged. I went for a run, showered, and made my way to my girl.
I didn't figure she would be awake this early, I mean it was 9 am on a Sunday, and we still had a good two hours before Syd was gonna wake up on her own but I wanted to spend as much time with her today as I could before I had to leave.