A Date With Condi Condifiction

The Date

Before you begin reading, I'd like to point out that I just took what I remembered from a Condi stream where he went on a date with the Twitch chat and rewrote it into a story. I realize the title might be misleading, but there's nothin weird here, just some arson and lost dreams of linguini. Don't think about it too hard. Alright, hope you enjoy reliving the weirdest date of your life (if you attended the stream).

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*All characters in this story are 18 or older*
You arrive home from work, your face deadpan as you unlock your front door. The jingle of your keys fills the eerie silence of your home. You close the door behind you and set your coat down on the nearby couch, thankful to be out of the freezing winds. An abrupt buzz in your pocket jolts you out of your robotic state. You pull your buzzing phone out and read the alarm you had set for yourself the day prior, "Date with Condi Condifiction at Olive Garden!!" Your eyes widen as you suddenly remember the date you had scheduled with the strange man you had met at a local Beat Saber competition. Quickly, you put your coat back on and rush out the door and into your car, wondering how you could've forgotten such an occasion.

As you drive to Olive Garden, you begin to remember the man's epic beat saber skillz and why you wanted to go on a date with him in the first place. You begin to feel giddy as you haven't been on a date in a while, but that giddiness soon turns into nervousness as anxious thoughts begin to fill your mind. What if he doesn't like you? What if he turns out to be a murderer? What if nothing exists and we're all in someone's dream? What if the Olive Garden gets burned down?? No, no, you shake the irrational thoughts out, everything will be fine. You take a deep breath as you approach the Olive Garden parking lot in an attempt to calm yourself down. Hm, there's a lot of cars here, you think as you struggle to find a parking space. You finally manage to find one near a large trash bin and get out of your car, making your way into the Olive Garden.

You step inside and immediately the warm ambiance of the restaurant hits you, the fresh aroma of breadsticks filling your nose. A small smile manages its way onto your face; you love Olive Garden. You look around but cannot seem to find him. Is he perhaps late? A waiter walks up to you with a smile, "Hello! How can I help you today?"

"Hello," you greet, "I'm looking for a table reserved by Condi Condifiction."

"Right this way!"

The waiter leads you into an odd room which looks more like a basement used for killing people. A dresser with an open drawer sits in a corner. A Garfield costume lays lifeless against the drawer. A single light bulb hangs in the middle of the room.

"Another waiter will be with you in a bit." The waiter says, leaving you in the room.

You turn to inspect the room a bit more and then you see him, the man that stole your attention at the Beat Saber competition: Condi Condifiction. He's sitting at an unusually large table with 300 other people. Thank God, you think, there's no way I would've made it through this date alone. After all, the only human interaction you've had in the past week was with your coworkers and a 2-minute long call with your father where he had asked you how to join a zoom call. The 300 people would surely help make this date less scary. You take a seat in front of him and introduce yourself.

"You come here often?" he asks, trying to make small talk.

"Actually, yes," you say, "Olive Garden has had a special place in my heart ever since my mother passed-"

"So what are your dreams and aspirations?" he interrupts.

You think it is rude of him to interrupt you but you decide to pay no mind to that, instead focusing on how weird it was of him to bring up dreams and aspirations on the first date.