Letting go of self-restraint 2 - All that is missing is a little one

Chapter 37

As Jiang Cheng was narrating his story, Wei Wuxian was getting more and more restless, his brother was not normally one to share his feelings. The Yunmeng Jiang head disciple understood that the other really wanted to get his point across, although he could still not understand what exactly the point was.

"Jiang Cheng is not scolding me for making him worry and separating him from Wen Ning, or at least it does not sound like it. So, what exactly does he want to tell me?" he was confused until his brother looked at him, all serious, and finally explained.

Wei Wuxian guessed that Lan Zhan was probably distressed with him gone and wanted to see the younger boy just as much as the other wanted to see him. With Jiang Cheng's explanation however, his heart was seized by a sudden urge to have his husband by his side immediately, he wanted to comfort the older boy. He at least had their baby and he wanted to be strong for it but the Second Jade had no one.

He felt extremely bad for abandoning him selfishly due to his fear, he should have talked to him and sort things out from the beginning. Lan Zhan would surely understand and probably go against all rules to keep him safe.

And then it finally hit him: "If everyone is not against me being pregnant, what if it is not actually a sin? What if... what if it is the same as with Madame Yu telling me it was shameful to be an Omega? She was lying to me then; she could have been lying about this as well... I am so stupid for not realizing it earlier, causing everyone worry and pain!

Even if Lan Zhan said he did not need any children, he said it when I was panicking about not being able to go all the way with him. He could have been very well only comforting me and not saying it in earnest. I have never asked him about it afterwards. I do not actually know whether he wants children or not... I just assumed... It was the same with everything else; every time my bad memories and fears got the better of me, Lan Zhan promised not to push me and wait for me to be ready. That must have been it..."

A hysterical laugh was born down in his belly and he could not help himself but to let it out. He was so, so stupid to not have realized this sooner. He remembered all those times he would hear Lan Zhan's voice in his dreams and only now wondered whether it could have been his husband's true feelings coming through the half blocked mental bond.

"If that was true, then... If it turns out that he was really just trying to help me and he would not act as Madame Yu did but would instead accept and love our baby... I need to confirm this right away. If he was just looking out for me and respecting my space this whole time and I have caused him such grieve... I need to apologize to him and make it up to him! I need to see him!"

He was crying loudly now, sobbing for all the lost time with his husband and all the pain he had caused to the both of them due to his fear. Nie Huisang and Jiang Cheng seemed to be panicking at his outburst but he could not find it in himself to care at the moment, he just wanted to go find his husband and confirm everything right away.

He tried to stand up, only to be gently pushed back down by his brother. He struggled for a bit before realizing he did not explain to the other two in the room anything. He managed to somewhat calm down and speak, his voice gaining determination with every syllable:

"Jiang Cheng, thanks for smacking some sense into me just now. I think I had let myself be overwhelmed and overthink everything, and I acted rashly. I thought Lan Zhan would do the same as Madame Yu had done and I could not have bore it. But now, I should at least hear Lan Zhan out, to let him say it with his own mouth whether he wants out baby or not. I was so scared before, assuming he did not, without even talking to him about it.

I want to see him and have a long conversation about everything I was just assuming one-sidedly. I am still scared, but with you by my side, I will surely be able to. I want to see him..."

He had started sobbing heartbreakingly at the end again, he could no longer stay composed. He was mourning every minute apart from his fated soulmate.

He barely registered Nie Huisang and Jiang Cheng fuzzing over him just as Wen Ning joined them. Then the Qinghe Nie disciple squeezed his hand and promised: "Brother Wei, please calm down, I will send someone to bring Lan Wangji here immediately. He is in Lotus Pier now, he should be here within two hours at most if he flies on his sword fast, which I am sure he will. Sect leader Lan informed me that they were anxiously awaiting any word to be able to come see you."

When Wei Wuxian nodded in understanding, still not being able to fully calm down, Nie Huisang let go of his hands and headed out.

It was now only him and Jiang Cheng, Wen Ning was nowhere to be seen, not that it mattered to Wei Wuxian too much at the moment. He was content to cling to his brother and bury his face in his shoulder in wait for his husband to arrive. In between his sobs, he was quietly calling for him.

Jiang Cheng was holding him as best as he could manage with his belly and the blankets in the way and patting him reassuringly on his back. He was extremely thankful for his support but if he would be to say it out loud, his brother would just feel embarrassed, so he only stayed silently in his arms until he felt another touch on his shoulder.

He unglued his face from the wet fabric of the Yunmeng Jiang sect leader and looked above his shoulder to see who was there, hoping it would be Lan Zhan, although he knew fully well that it would still take time for his husband to arrive. It was Wen Ning with a cup of medicinal tea in his hands.

"Young Master Wei, please drink this. It will help you to calm down. You cannot wear yourself out before Young Master Lan arrives or you will not be able to properly greet him." The Dafan Wen disciple tried to coax him into drinking the tea with an endless amount of patience and a gentle smile.

Wei Wuxian smiled in return and let himself be pushed back into his nest of pillows. Wen Ning handed him the tea cup with care and waited for him to drink it. The warm slightly sweet liquid did him good as he was slowly sipping it. He felt himself calming down and his muscles relaxing. He stopped crying altogether, only sniffling from time to time.

Even with Wen Ning's and Jiang Cheng's endless reassurances and chatter, he could not really take part in the conversation and was counting every second to the arrival of his beloved.