Always Remember

VI.

"I was just going through some paperwork," I replied vaguely but Hermione doesn't push the topic. She just shrugs and sits beside me on the ground so I have to shift my leg so she won't see the paper I've hidden.

"How's Ron?" I ask, hoping to take control of the conversation and take my mind off Draco's record. The presence of the paper under my leg felt unexplainably heavy. 

"He's fine. He's talking with the Head Auror right now about leaving," she lets out a sigh," After today, I'm really glad he's deciding to quit. I know I shouldn't feel that way but working at the joke shop with George will be so much safer. I'm just... so tired of fighting wars. So tired of not knowing whether he'll be hurt. Or worse..." she says, trailing off. I find myself unable to reply, my mind going back to Draco. Draco had contributed to that war, to Hermione fearing losing Ron.

"But anyway, I came to check up on you, you looked upset when you left," she started but then shook her head, "Ok, well actually... I'm sorry I didn't notice when you left. I was a bit worried over Ron still but Draco asked me to come to check up on you." My eyes widen at her confession.

"Draco did? Why didn't he come himself?" I ask. 

"I'm not sure... but don't tell him I told you that he asked me to come! He asked me to not tell you. Maybe he figured you wouldn't want to see him right now," she suggested thoughtfully and I sighed. She was so perceptive.

"So... are you okay?" she asks and I bury my face in my hands.

"Hermione, it was terrible. I saw him doing the spell and I just started to break down. I don't know why but it just brought back such a terrible memory," I say and I feel her put her arm around my shoulders.

"That's okay, Y/N. It's a normal reaction to have after what happened to you. But just know that Draco would never hurt you. He cares about you, and he wanted to know that you were okay. That's why he sent me." I look up from my hands and Hermione gives me a small smile. I look away quickly, unable to accept the smile. I pull out the hidden paper and hand it to her.

"I just found this and it's really bothering me," I say, my eyes tearing up. I watch as Hermione's small smile fades until she's reading through the paper with a straight face. 

"Ah, so the Ministry did keep tabs on him," was all she said. I stared at her, waiting for a different reaction but she just handed the paper back to me.

"Doesn't that bother you?" I ask.

"Y/N, I already knew all of this. I was there for nearly all of these events," she replies.

"I'm scared, Hermione. I feel like I know deep down that he's not a bad person but what would it take for him to do something terrible again? He couldn't fight against the Imperius curse for me. What else could make him turn?" I ask and Hermione sighs. She turns her whole body towards me, grabbing my hands in hers, and looks deep into my eyes. 

"Y/N. For all those events on that paper, Voldemort controlled his family. No one, certainly not a teenager, could defy him without being killed. Yes, he did terrible, terrible things because he and his family were facing death. But he also did good things at personal risk. He refused to identify Harry when we were captured. Did you know that?" Hermione paused and I shook my head, "And he refused to fight for Voldemort when it really mattered. And now, he's a better person. Maybe he was becoming a better person on his own but even more when you came into his life. You're like a motivation for him, I mean I have never seen him so calm and relaxed than when he's with you. Sometimes he even looks, well, like a whole different person than the Draco I knew at Hogwarts. He looks brighter somehow..." She finished and I look away, unbelieving that I could change Draco so much. I compared how he looked now to the sneering boy in the picture. That couldn't all have been me. Hermione pulls my hands closer to her, forcing me to look back into her eyes.

"And I didn't see that all on my own, you know. You are the one who made me see that Draco is different. Before you were obliviated," she squeezes my hand when she notices me flinch at the word, "you defended Draco tooth and nail from me, Ron, and especially Harry. You got to know him after Hogwarts so, in a way, you got to know the real him. You collected all these memories of him over the months before being obliviated and you came to the conclusion that he was a good person on your own. And that's what you lost when you were obliviated, what you couldn't get back when Draco showed you his memories in the Pensieve. You lost your own thoughts from that time. And it's going to be hard to build it all back up but trust yourself, Y/N. If you were able to see all the good that he is once, you can do it again. You accepted all the things he had done in the past before, you can do it again." she says and I can't hold in the tears any longer. She pulls me into her and lets me cry into her shoulder.

"It's so hard," I sob, letting all the tension I've felt just release. All the worries from the past and from the nightmares. 

"I know," she said, stroking the back of my hair, "but it will get better." After a few minutes of sobbing and letting Hermione hold me, I pull back, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. The feeling that I acted ridiculously started to grow. 

"I never would have thought I would ever genuinely defend Draco Malfoy," she chuckled and I couldn't help but let out a small laugh, too. 

"But he deserves it," she adds and I smile. 

"I'm sorry about... this whole thing. But thank you for coming to check up on me. I've missed you," I say and she smiles back.

"I miss you dearly, too, Y/N. Work keeps us so busy. But we can start seeing each other more often, we can all get together to see Ron when he starts at the joke shop," she suggests. 

"I'd really like that," I say and she starts to head out the door before stopping abruptly.

"Oh!" she gasps and if she remembering something, "By the way, Harry is the only person I know who is able to resist the Imperius Curse. If Draco had been able to, there's no doubt in my mind he would have resisted. And there's no doubt in my mind that he tried as best he could." She smiles before walking out of my office and closing the door. I think over what she told me over and over again. I was wrong to hold not being able to fight the Imperius curse for me and I felt guilty for implying that he didn't try. I looked down at the paper of Draco's record. The list of all the horrible things he was involved in fit in my hand. 

I already knew about it all and I had already accepted them long ago although I couldn't remember when. I held the paper straight out in front of me and inspected it. Just one small, insignificant paper. 

Hermione was right, as always. I told everyone and myself that he was a better person than he used to be. I know he is. Every thought I had about him back then is lost forever but I can control the way I feel now. Draco, who kissed me and didn't care that his parents saw. Draco, who cared about me enough to send my friend to see if I was okay. Draco, who works to right his wrongs every single day. Him even being with me, loving me, was an extreme contrast to who he had once been. A pureblood with a muggleborn. I laugh. How could I truly be afraid of him?

I took my wand out of my pocket and touched the tip of it on the corner of Draco's record.

I know he's worth it to fight against my subconscious fears of him. The nightmare Draco isn't the real him, it can't be. I will struggle and I will fight. But I won't lose the way I once saw him. I won't lose him to irrational fear.

"Incendio," I whisper and a small flame glows from my wand and ignites the paper. I watch as the flame slowly spreads across the paper, making it curl up and reduce into ash. Everything he had ever done doesn't matter to me anymore. It is apart of him, but who he chooses to be now is so much more important. I let go of the last piece of the paper as the flame consumes it and I watch as the ash slowly floats to the ground. 

[Kind of a small chapter today but HAPPY NEW YEAR!! :) ]