i think i had to know you to learn what love wasn't. it wasn't this tall, dark shadow looming over me at every turn. it wasn't hating myself every day. it wasn't sleepless nights and days i could barely make it through. it wasn't locking myself in conference rooms to break down in tears at least once a week. it wasn't jumping and flinching at every little sound and looking over my shoulder in case you came up behind me. it wasn't feeling like an ugly, disgusting, unintelligent failure all the time.
it wasn't fear, and it wasn't depression, and it wasn't worthlessness. that was all you gave me. i just couldn't see it past you, and as long as i was in your presence, i could never break free. you poisoned my mind, addling my brain like an addiction until i thought i needed you to survive.
as with any drug, the withdrawal was brutal. even more depression. constant tears. what i didn't realize was that it wasn't all that different from how i felt when i was around you.
i didn't realize until you weren't there anymore, and i felt...free.
weightless.
worthy.
carefree.
i danced for the first time in months. sang along to the radio. found myself smiling as i walked around lost in thought — because my thoughts were finally my own, not some poisonous carcinogen polluting my veins.
not you.
YOU ARE READING
(everything) you left.
Short Storya slow descent into insanity. i'm going to be honest. i don't entirely know what this is. but if you're up for short "chapters," questionable metaphors and yet another round of personifying mental illnesses into the people who triggered them, come o...
