Influx (Book Four)

Chapter Twenty-One

"You did and still do, when you get angry you smash your dictionary onto the table and make people know how smart you really are," Alexander says, and I grit my teeth.

"I'm leaving now, this conversation is over," I say and get up to grab my things. Suddenly a hand is on my wrist and I am pressed against the counter. My heart rate spikes at the sudden close contact and I try to keep myself calm.

"We are not done having this conversation Hadley," he says seriously.

"You can't just grab me whenever you want," I snip, and I stomp on his foot. He winces but doesn't move.

"You can leave when we are done having this conversation like the adults we are," he says before stepping away, wincing slightly.

"What else is there for me to say?" I ask exasperated and he crosses his arms.

"Clearly you have a guilty conscious that is weighing heavy on you, and there is still something else wrong that I can't quite pinpoint, but if I was a betting man, I would say it has to do with Cathleen," he says.

"My conscious is not guilty, I don't regret any of the things I have done, and I'm glad you're not betting because you are wrong," I say firmly, and he steps closer. My breath hitches in my throat how close he is and my heart jumps around in my chest before I am hit with something I haven't felt in a while, longing. 

"You say that, but I don't quite believe you," he says, and he leans closer. I press myself further into the counter, but I have nowhere to go.

"Alexander, step back," I tell him, and he slides one foot backward.

"Hadley I am not going to stand here all day and beg for you to tell me what is really bothering you," he says quietly, and a shiver goes down my spine. When I look into his deep green eyes, I know he can see right through me. He has always been able to see past my front's and facades, behind the rage, and into what is really bothering me. It's just who he is, who he's always been.

"I can't keep getting close to everyone again Alexander, because I can't be hurt like that again. I will snap completely," I say quietly, my voice wavering slightly.

"You forgave me on the condition that I would never make that mistake again, correct?" He asks me and I shake my head.

"I forgave you because you were genuinely sorry for the mistakes you made, not doing it again was a warning," I counter, and he gives me a soft smile.

"I can't promise you everything is going to be smooth sailing and we are all going to get along, but I can promise you I am always going to have your back," he says, and he leans closer again.

"If you get any closer, I am going to punch you," I threaten, but it comes off soft and that makes his smile grow more.

"Yeah, that's totally what you want to do right now," he says, and he gives me a big lopsided grin and I watch his gaze drop ever so slightly lower.

"No, no, no," I say and push him away and grab my things. 

"I wasn't going to do anything, relax Hadley," he says flustered. The problem wasn't what he was going to do, but rather the fact that I wanted him to do it. I can't with him, but I forgave him, I hate this. I need to leave before this becomes even messier.

"I'm leaving now," I state before marching towards the elevator.

"Hadley, wait," he says, and I stop and spin around. I can see he feels guilty.