A Hunger to Share ( Book Three)

chapter 12

Ada

When Ada woke up, she knew something important was missing from her. 

Her child was dead.

Ada stared at the celing. She couldn't move. Guilt and grief were crushing her.

Why was she alive? She should be dead. Ada wanted to be dead. She had no right to be alive when little Violet was dead.

Angelina should have killed her but instead she had let her live. To continue suffering, the loop of broken bones wasn't enough.

Ada buried her face in the pillow and screamed. She would have cried if Angelina's revenge hadn't sucked all of her tears dry.

She had to get up. She had to make sure James was alive. That her sacrifice hadn't been for nothing. Ada had to face him. She owed him that.

And Gideon. Her sweet Gideon who had so bravely let her go. She was dying to see him.

She was too ashamed to face her parents and Nora.

Wincing, Ada sat up. She hurt all over. The memory of broken bones and the witch's satisfied smile still haunted her body.

Ada's fingers clutched the edge of the nightstand. She hauled herself up and stood on shaky legs for a moment before crumpling on the hard floor. Her legs were too weak, bones too shy to function.

"Fuck." Ada punched the floor, frustrated.

If she couldn't walk, she would crawl.

"What are you doing?"

Nora found her sister sprawled on the floor, pulling herself forward inch by inch.

"My legs are... being stupid." Ada panted and stopped to catch her breath.

"This will help." Nora gave her a bottle of blood and sat down beside her. "We already gave you lots of blood but I guess it wasn't enough."

"Thanks." Ada smiled faintly.

Nora helped her sit up and drink. "I'm so happy you're alive." She kissed Ada's blond hair tenderly.

"That makes one of us."

"You did the best you could." Nora looked sad and certain.

"Did I?"

"Angelina tortured you. You were a broken mess when the gurads found you. Literally. You looked... like a horror movie. It's not like you went on a fucking vacation."

"My child is dead and James was also tortured, probably worse than me..."

"It's not a competition Ada."

"That's not what I meant. I just... Don't think I deserve to be alive."

"You don't."

The sisters looked up at James who was standing in the threshod, looking at Ada with dead green eyes, dark eyebrows pulled together.

"Not now James." Nora glared at him.

Ada put a hand on her wrist. "Go. I'll find you later."

"Are you sure?" Nora looked worried.

Ada nodded.

Nora stood up and stared at James. "I know you've been through hell, so has Ada and it fucking sucks. I'm really sorry but you better not even think about hurting my sister because I will kick your ass."

Ada sighed. "Nora please..."

James rolled his eyes. "Putting her out of her misery is the last thing on my mind."

Nora banged the door shut.

Ada winced and cleared her throat. What was she supposed to tell James? What could she say after causing the death of their chid and so much suffering?

James sat on the bed in front of her, staring down at Ada on the floor, hands pressed flat between his knees. "You're the most ruthless person I know. Even Mathias wouldn't do what you did and he's a nightmare."

Ada felt small under his disappointed, harsh gaze. "James I..."

"What? You're sorry for betraying my trust? Again?" James snorted, lips twisted into an ugly smirk. "Were you really going to apologize to me after getting our child killed? For making everything I went through be for nothing? For making me feel like a fucking joke?"

Ada swallowed. "I had to do something James. I couldn't give up on you. You're family."

James laughed. "Family? Do you even know what that means? You let that bitch kill our child Ada. That's not what family does."

Ada felt tears burning the back of her eyes. "I was desperate. I couldn't stand your suffering..."

"What the fuck do you think I'm doing now? Celebrating my heroic rescue? Are you that delusional?"

"I rather you hate me than spend another day being tortured by them."

"That wasn't your choice to make." James shouted, the veins in his neck standing out, eyes red, fists clenched.

Ada flinched. She had never seen James this angry. He looked frightening. Ada was certain he was going to kill her.

James gritted his teeth. "Are you scared? Good. Now you know how I felt when I woke up and realized you had betrayed me."

"If it makes you feel better, kill me. I won't fight you."

"Kill you?" James snorted. "Death is too good for trash like you. You will live and you will face the consequences of your actions until you lose the last shred of your sanity. And I will watch and cherish your misery." 

"That's fair." Ada murmured. "I deserve everything you throw at me."

James stood up. "Don't act like a sait. I rather Mathias rape me again than sit here and listen to your self pitying bullshit."

Ada looked horrified. "Oh God. He really..."

"Yeah." James sneered. "Apparently he did it under Angelina's orders because he didn't want her to kill me. He made me act like I wanted it. Like I enjoyed my soul being torn apart. I lay there and took it and it fucking killed me. 

I told myself it didn't matter. I was doing it to protect you and our kid but you decided to ruin everything and make me feel even more worthless. So thank you for saving me Ada. For your fucking sacrifice that I didn't ask for."

"James I had no idea he would do that... That she would..."

"Shut up. I don't want to hear anything else from your lying mouth. I can't even look at you. You disgust me. I forgave you before but I'll never forgive you for this. Never." 

James stormed out, leaving the door wide open.