Poems That Came From a Beanstalk

Hate

I try not to feed it
But they fuel it so easily

Like my body is a small shack
With only a furnace inside

But someone keeps bringing me wood
And I want the fire to burn out

So I start piling it along the walls
But it's getting hard to walk through

So I stack it outside the shack
Until wood hits the roof

They keep bringing wood
But there's nowhere else to put it

Cause my grass is dying from being covered
With dead wood all year long, never-moving

And the trees are disappearing
So that all I see is sky

But now the air's not filtered
And a smog covers my wasteland

So what choice do I have but to burn?
It makes breathing even harder, but I burn

And burn
And I'm still angry

It's so hard to forgive someone
When you know they didn't mean to be bad, but they know better

It's so hard to forgive someone
When they never apologized

And even harder
When they keep blaming you for making the air unbreathable

What do I do with that?
It will keep coming in waves to my chest, so what do I do?

It makes a person so tired to be angry
But the ones cutting my trees are the ones telling me to let go

Because they aren't the ones to blame
And it will come up with them that it was my fault later

They don't even know it
No heavy conscience for them

Only me, fighting myself
Trying to give it to a god we share

How do we have the same god if they do not feel this heavy guilt?
How do I stay so angry if I have a god at all?

I am angry because I know
They do not ask themselves anything like this

They do not wonder through poems in the dark
Why our relationship had to be this way

So this is how I know they blame me
Because they hurt without thought to this day

As adults

And just because I am strong
And just because I am honest

Doesn't mean I dont need to be taken care of
It doesn't mean that my throat doesn't get dragged down to my feet when you say:

"Oh yeah! Gabi moved out this year!"
After Grandpa asked everyone to list a good part of an otherwise awful year

After you sat there for 30 seconds trying to think of something good
Because you are always the victim

And even though I knew you'd see it as a green light
And I shouldn't have been surprised

I guess even after suggesting that little something
As an answer personally to you

I was hoping you would shake your head and say, "No, it wasn't that great after all."

Or even maybe stretching it a little:
"We miss you."

Because even though you're burying my shack
And sucking my air away

And I'm burning up
And I'm shaking so hard

I miss you