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During the class meeting for admissions, I just put my head down. The head of the group was talking and I just wanted to run away. Kiku did not hear my confession and although it was not a rejection, I still feel embarrassed. "Alfred, what do you think?" Elizabeta asked. "Yeah, anything is fine. Kiku and I just need to stand and sell tickets. That is not bad. As long as we buy the tickets in time for the fundraiser, it is fine," I spoke. "I will volunteer and buy the tickets, how many do we need?" Kiku asked. "Enough to last the whole day. They sell packs of five hundred for a couple of dollars. So maybe two packs?" Elizabeta suggested.

"Sounds good, I will buy some too," Roderich added. "Okay then, we are pretty much done. Our job is not hard at all. I can make a schedule for rotations so we all get breaks. That way, we can enjoy the fundraiser in the school," she smiled. Kiku and I nodded and we all gathered our things together. "The fundraiser isn't for another two weeks, and we have the easiest job. I wonder how everyone else is doing with preparations like costumes and set," Kiku spoke.

"I am sure they got everything under control," I answered. Once the other two people in our group left, Kiku was suddenly silent. He stopped in his place and looked at me seriously. "Alfred, the other day.... what were you trying to say to me?" He asked. My face grew hot again, and I tried to look away from him. "Well.... it was nothing important.... just about the fireworks" I laughed. "Oh... I see..." he said softly.

"What about you?" I asked. "Oh.... it was nothing too, just how I liked the Ferris wheel," he laughed out. "Oh, okay then," I smiled. Why was he so nervous? Did I make him uncomfortable maybe? "The night went great, I am sure that whoever you take out will be extremely lucky to have you. You are a fun person to be around and whoever it is would have an amazing time," he smiled. "Thank...you," I said slowly. That was very nice of him to say, and it really touched me.

He was about to walk away, but I suddenly stopped him. Why would I do that? I am an idiot! "Sorry... I don't mean to grab you like that..." I spoke. YOU FAT FUCK! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! "Hey.... if you ever want to practice for a date..... I am here," I tried to say. Why did it feel so weird to ask that?!

His eyes widened as he looked at me, and a smile appeared on his face. "That would be nice, thank you.... but this time I will be planning it, you know?" He joked. "Haha, yeah... please go easy on me," I laughed. Anything he planned would be perfect; I just know it. He was a great person to be around, and it would be lots of fun.

We both looked at each other for a second but slowly turned away. "Let me walk you home!" I smiled. "Alright then," he answered. We both walked beside each other out of the classroom, but it was awkward. I am sure he did not actually hear me, right? Or maybe it was something he said, and I did not hear. He just said it was nothing, so what else could it be? Unless it was important, and he was lying? What could he have said? It does not make sense. I looked over at him, and he was silent as usual.

I reached my hand up to him and touched his face gently. "Whaaaa..??? What are you doing?!" He asked, startled. "Hmmm? Are you mad at me?" I asked, confused. He breathed out deeply, and we continued to walk beside each other. "what gave you that idea?" He asked. "You just seem off," I explained. "I feel normal," he spoke.

Once we arrived at his house, I felt a little defeated. This stressed me out more, and with me trying my best to lose weight, I don't think that I can go on like this. Maybe I should give up? There is no point in it. "Alfred..... you really are a good friend," he turned to me. I couldn't hold it anymore.... I loved him so much. "Kiku.... When I am not with you, I think of you. When I am not thinking of you, I am dreaming of you. When I am not dreaming of you, I...I will be dead. You make me so happy, and I feel so secure with you."

I closed my eyes shut and I heard a small noise. I looked to kiku whose face was red and serious. "I am sure after all these years of being friends, that will happen. I see you as family, and I am glad you care about me that much" he smiled. I felt my soul leave my body as I heard him say that. Wait.... I did confess to him right? "Ummm..." I tried to say. "Don't worry Alfred! We will always be close and I am glad to have met you!" He added.

He turned away from me, and I stood still.... "I am an idiot.... a worthless idiot.." I spoke. I turned away from his house and began to walk home. Why couldn't he see that was a confession? Maybe he knew, but he didn't see me the same way... and found a nicer way to reject me.  I think it only made me feel even more ugly than usual. Maybe if I was more attractive, he would have liked me? For some reason, I felt tears leave my eyes and I was once again embarrassed for how I felt. This was it; I was going to give up on him... and trying to show him how I feel.... there is nothing else that I could do anyway.



















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