Invisible Strings

8

CHAPTER 8: ONE OF THESE NIGHTS

"Damn, I never thought watching someone change would make give me this serotonin"

Nagtaas ako ng panggitnang kamay sa sinabi niya. Ano daw? Serotonin? Kahit anong hormones pa ang sabihin niya, alam ko.. baka nakakalimutan niyang laki ako sa mga doctor?

Nagmamadali kong tinali ang mahaba kong buhok habang inaayos niya ang pajamas ko. Simpleng sweater at pajama lang ang suot ko ngayon, hindi katulad ng pag si Reina ang kasama. I had to be in signature or branded clothes around her. I had to be perfect always.

Nang matapos niyang ayusin ang pajama ko ay bigla niyang tinaas ang pang-itaas na suot ko at hinalikan ang puson ko. Shit. Anong kamunduhan 'to?

Kakatapos lang tapos nanunukso na naman siya.

"Fuck it Stephen, I wont cook you a midnight snack if you don't stop." Kasi tangina baka ikaw nalang ang gawin kong snack niyan.

Bigla siyang tumayo at lumebel sa mukha ko. "You'll cook? Oh God, I'd love that—"

"I wont if you don't behave—" bigla niya akong niyakap at sinuksok ang mukha niya sa leeg ko.

"Oh my qofte, I will be the most behaved person in the world tonight" sabay halik niya sa leeg ko.

Wow nalang. Wow nalang talaga.

After our rooftop date, dumiretso nakami sa campervan. Nagpunta lang kami sa pinakamalapit na camping park at dito na nagpalipas ng gabi. The moment he parked the car, he started making love to me.

In between that hot moment, he kept telling me he'll find me because he says Im the one for him. But little did he know that I'm serious on cutting ties with him.

Ayokong maging hang-up sa kaniya. We're worlds apart and I don't think it will work if I don't see him often. Im touchy, narealize ko yun ngayon sakaniya at a long distance relationship is my least priority now.

"No one's sleeping tonight huh" paghahamon niya. Nasa roof deck kami ng campervan at pareho kaming nakahiga sa direksyon ng itim na langit.

The sky is so clear that you can see the Milky Way clearly. I started tracing my favorite constellations as he tells me his story. What's weird was that with the stars above us, I started opening up to myself. Hindi sakaniya, kundi sa sarili ko mismo.

Hindi man niya maintindihan lahat ng sinasabi ko but I felt free. Sven, Stephen's nickname, must've been my freer.

"What do you hate the most, Qofte?" He continued our one question game after sharing a hot bed again. He was leaning towards me, as if memorizing everything.

"That's a tough question, Sven.. but maybe I hate secrets.." I suddenly remembered how I acted that day, kung gaano ko inuna ang nararamdaman ko imbes na intindihin ang mga kaibigan ko pagbalik ni Trina.

"Everybody has that tho" giit niya.

"I must've hate everybody"

"What about you? You hold a big one, babe" Sinuksok na naman niya ang ulo niya sa leeg ko. "About yourself"

"That must've been the reason.. I hate myself. I hate people who keeps a secret. I hate myself for keeping myself a secret—"

"You have your reasons, Qofte. Maybe, just like you they have their reasons. I know there's a reason why you kept yourself in the closet. Don't you agree?"

"Everything has a reason" pagsang-ulit ko.

"Yes."

"What should I do?" It dawned on me. Bakit nga ba hindi ko sila inintindi noon? When did I ever prioritized myself? Ito ang nakakainis sa akin eh, minsan nagiging kasing impulsive ko si Reina.