Invisible Strings

7

Chapter 7: BORDERLINES

City lights. Ang maingay at makulay na city lights ang sumalubong sa amin. Ibang-iba sa matatahimik na lugar na pinuntahan namin kanina. Kahit nasa malayo ay maamoy mona ang ibat-ibang flavor ng usok- maybe from cigarettes and God knows what.

He tightly held my hands and took them inside his jacket as we walked the streets. Napanuod kona to! Ganito yung sa mga korean drama's na pilit na pinapanuod sa amin ni Kambal-in-name.

Men would put their woman's hands inside their pockets just to keep them warm. Nawiwirduhan ako noong una pero kinilig na rin ako siyempre. It's the thoughts that counts.

"Evening dates hits differently" He said while kissing the back of my hand before shoving it back in his pocket as he chuckled. "Don't you think?"

"Pauso." Bulong ko sa hangin. I don't want him to see that I'm liking the simple things he's serving me. Ayokong makita niyang tuwang-tuwa ako.

May biglang tumawag sa cellphone niya dahilan para maisip ko rin bigla ang cellphone ko. Hindi ako nagparamdam sa Pinas mula nang may nangyari sa amin ni  Stephen.

Unang una ay hindi matutuwa si Reina at pangalawa ay ako mismo ang bumali sa salita ko at nahihiya ako doon. I said words I couldn't take back about him.

But then, it's CHIAYI, the people I treasure the most and if I'd be truthful.. they will accept and understand me.

After tonight, uuwi na ako.

Nakahanap ako ng mauupuan sa di kalayuan.  I stared at his face while he's talking at a distance. I don't draw that well but when I put my heart into it, alam kong magagawa ko iyon. I started memorizing the lines his face shows at his slightest movement. Bagay na bagay nga sakaniya ang propesyon niya dahil sa maamo niyang mukha. I feel like he can really make you spill your truth.  His gray eyes, his reliable smile.. kahit na may pagkacute siya ay lalaking-lalaki parin ang dating niya sa akin.

"How am I going to forget you, babe?" Bulong ko sa sarili nang magtagpo ang mga mata namin. Tinuro niya ang telepono at tumango ako tsaka na niya tinuloy ang pakikipag-usap. Napayuko ako sa paghihintay.

I admit that we had a sexual connection first until we became close.. close enough to accompany each other and tell him bits of my truth.

I started contemplating my whole life. Am I bad for having this moment? Am I bad for letting this happen? Hindi ko ba deserve lahat ng 'to? Nakokonsensya ako kay Sab. Nakokonsensya ako na nararanasan ko 'to.

After everything I've put through in that house.. after everything I did with Reina.. don't I deserve this?

Hindi ko na namalayan na nasa tabi kona pala siya kung hindi lang niya hinalikan ang pisngi ko. Again, what's the cheek kisses for, babe? This is torture.

Binigyan niya ang ng mapaglarong ngiti.

"What's with the deep-thoughts-look, my Qofte?" Pinaikot ko lang ang mga mata ko at hindi na sumagot. Binigyan niya ako ng nagdududang tingin and he looked so cute!

I stared at his face. Kitang-kita ko ang pagbuka ng bibig niya- may sinasabi siya pero hindi ko iyon marinig. My whole body focused on him again. He was again magnified. Ngayon ko lang narealize kung ano ang pabango niya- it was a scent of citrus, wood and the ocean combined.

".. so let's go, mmm? What do you say, babe?" Nagising nalang ako nang halikan niyang ulit ang pisngi ko. Ghad, what was he saying? Baka naman niyayaya na niya akong tumira sa bansa nila. Jusko, pigilan niyo po ako.. Huwag po sana akong iwan ng ulirat ko, sure kasi akong pati passport ko ibibigay kona sakaniya.