Invisible Strings

6

"No, then how will we understand each other if I feed you in my language? I wanted to know you, Qofte and speaking in my native won't make that possible."

Ayun sampal sa akin na madalas magtagalog. Sorry naman Stephen.

"I'm sorry, sorry. I won't do Tagalog from now on, sige." Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin.

"You just did again!"

"What? You understand up to that." Pang-asar ko sakaniya.

"You're stupid."

"Whoa, Doc. Diba dapat dimo sinasabihan ng ganyan ang mga tao? Psychiatrist ka pa naman tas tatawagin mokong stupid?"

"What the hell, Ziyah. What did you say?"

Ziyah..

Bigla akong natatameme sa sinabi niya. Tumikhim ako tsaka inabot ko ang coffee-in-can na binili namin kanina nang may madaanan kaming convenience store. Mabuti nalang at tumigil na ang sasakyan namin. I had a reason not to speak.

"We're here" masigla niyang sabi. Tumango ako sakaniya. I busied myself looking at the scenery infront of us. It was a long blue beach at kami palang yata ang nandito.

Parang tinatawag na talaga ako ng dagat pero kinumbinsi ko ang sarili na makuntento nalang sa pagtingin.

There are inviting things in the world that you wouldn't dare accept because you know you'll be at the losing end when things come to worst.

And worst is, I will catch a cold because it's only five in the morning.

Bumaba kami ng sasakyan nang napark na iyon ng kupal. Mabilis akong lumapit sa may dalampasigan. My black heeled boots made me lose my balance as I neared it. Mabuti nalang at nakaalalay siyang agad sa akin.

"Let's remove your shoes babe" Buong puso akong umiling sakaniya. Ayoko. Naiinis ako sakaniya.

"My shoes will protect my feet" katwiran ko.

"It will just hurt you in the process, babe." He looked at me with eyes, convincing. Hinawakan ko ang braso niya nang akma na siyang uupo para tulungan ako.

"The pain will make me feel alive, Stephen."

"You don't need pain to feel alive. You live, baby. You live with hope... that this life will be your best life."

Okay? Shoes pa ba ang usapan namin? Umirap ako sakaniya tsaka nagpatuloy na naglakad. The pain will be worth it in the end, if I follow the rules of life. I always believed in the pursuit of happiness, my end goal, dahil yun naman talaga ang katotohanan. Happiness is not free. It will always cost you something and I'm aware of that.

I always hoped that the pain I'm going through right now will be tantamount to the happiness I'm about to feel in the future.

And my goal now is the ocean.

"You don't need to walk yourself in hell, babe. A little adjustment will surprise you how big it gets in the long run"

Aalisin ko ba ang sapatos ko at makikinig sakaniya? But that's not me. Ziyah don't adjust for anyone. Ziyah is forever a baby and I will always be her life form.

Kelan ba ako nag-adjust para sa mga tao? Kelan ba ako nag-adjust para sa sarili ko? Lagi naman kasi akong go-with-the-flow at the same time.. if the flow wasn't with me, I let it. I don't force myself, I don't adjust at lalong hindi rin mag-aadjust ang flow sa akin. After all, who am I to change the current?

But who am I today? Aren't I Bellalina?

"Are you mad at me, Qofte?"

"Why? Did you upset me?" Mataman kong tanong sa kaniya.