Wretched Roses √

Chapter 49-Christmas

Leona's POV
I crouched down next to the grave and put my arms around myself. It was cold despite the coat around me doing its best to keep me warm. I rubbed my arms and hoped it would preserve some warmth. With a sigh I sat down, my legs crossed. The graveyard was empty, not a person in sight.

"Oh, Layla."

Then the tears came, it was difficult to hold them in, and frankly, I felt this was what I needed. So I let the tears flow and the sobs break out. The thorns of the rose I'd held has started to cut into my hand, I'd forgotten I was holding it. I wiped away the blood with a napkin I found in my pocket and placed the rose next to her grave.

"If you're watching over me, I hope you're not too disappointed. I broke my promise, I lost myself. I'm sorry, but what did you expect? You're not the type of person you simply forget Layla. I know you said you didn't want to be forgotten, is it selfish then that I wish I forgot you? It's painful, living on without you, I have my parents, I have my friends, I have Freya, but it doesn't matter when I don't have you."

To gather myself, I took a deep breath and blew my nose in a tissue. It was more difficult than I ever could have imagined to come here again. It had been a while since I'd been here. Every time I'd simply stared at her grave, too choked up on tears to be able to get a word out. However, I needed to talk to her, even if it was only to her grave.

"You're my twin, dammit, Layla. You didn't even get to turn twenty-two. It's not fair, you deserved to grow old. You deserved so much more. Now I'm alone without you, I don't know if I'll be okay again. I don't know if I can go on without you here. I miss you so fucking much," my voice broke on the last sentence, I clutched the locket hanging around my neck and sobbed, shaking with each sob.

"It hurts," I hiccuped, "too much."

"Someone may as well have ripped out my fucking heart and stomped on it, sure as hell feels like it. Please, please, please, come back. I can't," another sob, "I'm going insane, Layla. It's Christmas. You're not here, celebrating it without you feels wrong. Like I'm betraying you. Can I stay here? I don't want to leave."

It was ridiculous, it was a grave, she wouldn't answer. Yet it was like a part of her soul was still here, I couldn't find the strength to leave anytime soon. Leaving meant I was ready to let her wither away, it meant closure. And although I knew deep down closure was what I needed, I wasn't sure if I was ready for it yet. It was like giving up on her. Perhaps it was silly, she was long gone after all.

"I love you, Layla. Merry Christmas," and after that, I went quiet.

I stared at her grave, continuously reading what it said until I zoned out completely. My mind was practically blank and like a wave washed away the sorrow, I went numb. I couldn't bring myself to think about her any longer or else I thought I was going to break.

Time passed, I wasn't sure how much. I was disconnected from everything, to protect myself from the disturbingly painful emotions threatening to break loose. Grief was a long process and I knew the pain would never truly go away, but I wished it did. I wanted to live without the aching, without the sense of something missing, without the constant need for her to be next to me. I wanted to live again.

Freya helped me with that, I was living again when I was with her. But it wasn't permanent and even she couldn't fix everything. She couldn't bring back my sister. No one could.

Someone tapped on my shoulder, I didn't bother to look at them. Then I heard my name, Freya was here. I didn't answer her, I couldn't find it in me. I heard some shuffling then she sat down next to me.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, but it's been hours and I was getting worried," Freya's voice said.

I didn't reply. She seemed to understand and didn't say anything after that, sitting in silence next to me. I heard her breath beside me, it was cold so you could see a puff of cloud smoke come out her mouth. She was freezing, so was I, however I'd long ago managed to ignore it.

"You've been out here for too long, you're gonna get sick."

"You don't get sick because of the cold, you can get hypothermia or frostbite which makes you more prone to catching viruses but you don't catch a virus because of the cold," I explained, recalling something I'd read a while ago that lingered in the back of my mind.

"Regardless it's not good, please come back. It's Christmas morning, your parents are waiting for you, "she sighed and continued. "Savour the time you have left with those who care about you, Leona. I know it's harsh and I'm not gonna tell you not to grieve or come back here, but she's gone. Your parents are here, they love you. I'm here. You'll always a piece of her with you, she was your twin. Find her in yourself just don't lose yourself in the process."

"I already have," I whispered.

"What?"

"I said, I already have. Lost myself, I mean," I clarified, facing her for the first time since she came here.

She smiled sadly, cupped my cheek, and said, "then I'll help you find yourself again. I'm here for you, okay?"

"Okay."

Maybe I'd be okay again.

***

Freya opened the back door and sighed in relief at the warmth the inside offered. I briefly chuckled and took off my outside clothes, closing the door behind me. Then I announced we were back and saw Mom and Dad come from the living room. They beamed when they saw me and wrapped me in a hug.

Mom pulled away and kept me at arms-length, her arms placed on my shoulders. "Let's open gifts now, shall we?"

I nodded and we all walked into the living room. Freya sat beside me next to the Christmas tree. She smiled and leaned her head on my shoulder. I offered her a weak one in return and switched my attention to my parents again. Dad grabbed a gift from under the tree and gave it to me, smiling widely.

When I opened it I was met with the sight of some gorgeous earrings. I gasped, "they're stunning, Dad. Thank you so much."

I gave them both a hug to show them how much I appreciated it. We continued opening gifts for a little while, I gave some to my parents and they gave a couple to me. Freya mostly sat there quietly and I could imagine she was feeling slightly awkward, which was understandable.

"I have something for you," I whispered to Freya. "Let me go get it."

I ran to my room to go fetch it and came back into the living room, holding the gift behind my back. Dramatically I presented it to her, placing it in her hands. She giggled and started opening it. For a moment she looked confused until it struck her.

"It's a bond touch bracelet, that's so sweet, thank you," she gave me a peck and hugged me tightly.

"Is it stupid since we're not even long distance?"

"No, I love it. Makes me feel closer to you."

My face flushed. "God, I'm corny."

She burst out into laughter and gave me another quick kiss. "I love it."

"Get a room," my dad yelled jokingly and Freya laughed even harder.

It took her a while to calm down, despite it not being funny in the first place. Eventually, she did and told me to wait while she went to get something. She came back with a gift in her hands and I beamed. Copying my actions, she placed it gently in my hands and waited for me to open it.

I tossed the wrapping paper away and looked at what she gave me. It was a necklace with my name on it. I threw my arms around her and gave her a kiss on the cheek as a thank you.

"I love it."

"I'm glad."

I turned to my parents, "thank you for everything."

"You're welcome, dear," my mom said.

With them by my side, I knew I would be okay. Eventually at the very least.

Thank you for reading, hope you all had a good day and an amazing Christmas!

Peace out