Loving Myself

Chapter 14

I woke up to a loud ass beeping sound that made me want to take it and throw it to China. I opened my eyes slowly after feeling my fingers twitch a bit, but I was blinded by a bright light. "Damn turn someone turn the sun off," I said my voice sounding completely gone almost as my eyes adjusted to the lights. But I felt the lights be dimmed down "Julieta," I heard Ryan's voice "Ryan," I said. I looked to see a man with dark chocolate skin and black hair with light brown eyes coming towards me. He was huge!
"Your a giant," my voice screeched and scratched Ryan chuckled as he poured something than gave it to me. I looked to see a blue cup and it had water in it I took it and drank the entire glass. "Did we die," I asked Ryan chuckled again "no we didn't. You almost did though," he informed me "damn just almost," I joked. "You shouldn't joke about death," Ryan scolded me with a frown on his full lips "please I have come so close to death too many times. That death and I are best pals now," I said. Ryan rolled his eyes as he smiled holding back a chuckle or laugh.
"You have a twisted sense of humor," Ryan pointed out I pouted "it's not twisted," I said crossing my arms acting like two year old. Ryan laughed at my behavior just as we hear the door open to see Ian. Damnit. He smiled at me despite looking tired and sick looking "your awake," he said "no thanks to you," I said going cold. Ryan noticed my behavior change from happy and playful to I will gladly kill you. "I had no idea that my brother was trying to kill you," Ian told me, his brother? What is up with this entire family and wanting to bring me sadness and harm?
         "How long was I down there and out," I asked "you were down there for four days and out for five," Ian informed me with a frown on his face. I could see sadness and regret in his eyes but I didn't care what he felt. But for now I guess I must care just until the day. "Can I get you anything," Ian asked me "my brother," I said threw gritted teeth that seemed to make both of them tense up. "Julieta there was an accident yesterday," Ryan told me, I know what is coming, but the bike in my stomach wouldn't go away though. "What," I asked "your brother is dead so is his girlfriend," Ian told me, my face falls as the bile rises more.
         "I think I'm gonna throw up," I said in all honesty Ian had a guilty look on his face as Ryan rubbed my back. I was hunched over fighting my tears as the feeling of spilling my guts out didn't disappear. "What happened," I asked closing my eyes praying to God that this wasn't real. "Fire," Ian told me, Ryan handed me a trash can as I spilled everything into it. My tears and empty stomach. "Julieta, I am so sorry. I just... I just want you to know. I plan to make you my girl," Ian said after I finished throwing up but my tears still came.
Ryan took the can from me as he rubbed my back carefully "I will be back later to check on you two," Ian said then left the room. Once he was gone Ryan sat in the bed and pulled me in for embrace. I hugged him tightly feeling as if I let go of him too he will disappear as well. My brother was gone and so is the girl I thought would be my future sister in law, I cried harder. They were gone just like my dad was and my real mom, they were all gone. My heart broke even more knowing I was truly alone now. I had no family left except my aunt or mom whatever she is to me.
         I know Ina would have wanted me to see her and talk to her once again even if it didn't end well. So I will do it not sure when but I will do it. Just not now for now I will cry and mourn my losses.

        Ryan was asleep now and I had gotten up and stood by the window now looking out it. My life really must have been cursed. I sighed as I heard the door open behind me, I looked back to see Ian entering. He seemed a bit shock to see me up but I looked away from him and back out the window. Joey. I know they say he is dead by something in me says otherwise. I just don't understand it maybe I am lying to myself to make the pain be less.
        "You should be resting," Ian told me as he came to stand by me making me fall out of my thoughts. "Couldn't stare at that wall anymore," I informed him, I was now really stuck with this sick bastard, who tried to break my spirt. But my spirt can never be broken, Alec couldn't do it and neither could he... that's another person I should see. Alec, I really shouldn't but maybe if I get closure there it can help me heal some more. "I want to go to the jail my mother is in and Alec's," I informed Ian "why," Ian asked with a tone that said the mere idea made him disgusted. "To get closure with what happened with them to heal. Maybe even get answers," I informed Ian, he sighed "fine," he told me, we can go tomorrow.
         "Doc said you had healed up quite well already so you can definitely travel around tomorrow," Ian informed me "I want to start with Alec first," I said looking to see an angry Ian out of the corner of my eyes. "Fine," he gritted out "thank you," I said looking back out the window "but if I do this. You have to go on a date with me," Ian told me. There was no arguing this I guess. "Very well," I said my voice sounding cold there was no life to my words when I talked to him. He could tell to I bet.
"Julieta, you should know," Ian started but stopped I looked to him to see him already looking at me. "I plan to spend the rest of our lives fixing everything wrong I have done to you," Ian told me, I believed those words everything about him screamed sincere. His tone, his eyes, his body language I think this is most sincere someone has ever been with me. It was honestly strange how much he had changed in the six days I was out. I honestly can't believe I even slept that long. "I believe you," I told him though as I looked away from him and turning my gaze back out the window.
We both then stood there in a comfortable silence just staring out the window into the dark night. The night sky filled with stars reminded me of my life. My life was dark and cold since I was little, but it had all those small little bright good pieces of it. Which if you look and put all that good together, it can shine as bright as the day sky. I will stick to that, looking at all the million little bright good things in my life. Instead of all the dark that seems to surround me, because really there is more good than dark. Just depends on how I look at it. Joey would have said so himself, he was just that kind of person.