Corpse Husband Oneshots

Storm Cloud Emoji

TRIGGER WARNINGS: this whole chapter is basically poor Corpsy being very depressed and having thoughts of self harm and suicide. Please be careful if anything of that nature is triggering for you.
AN: Don't forget to vote and comment!
~corpse pov~
Why am I like this? What have I done to deserve this? Somewhere along the line did I walk under a ladder unknowingly? Did god just decide that I would be fucked up when he created me?

I clench my eyes shut and roll over in bed. Everything feels heavy and dark and foggy today. Even though the sun is shining through my thin curtains and that would usually brighten my mood, nothing seems to be able to break through the veil of depression around me.

I just want to die.

I just want to cut.

I just want it to stop.

This isn't uncommon for me. I'm usually a little depressed, just enough that I don't feel good but it's easily disguised. Every once in awhile life likes to pepper in a couple days of complete shit. The suicidal thoughts like to join in on those days. I haven't cut myself in years and I've never even attempted to kill myself, but the thoughts float around sometimes.

My phone dings but I'm not gonna check it. Sometime in the next few days a switch will flip and I'll feel good enough to function again, but it's hopeless right now.

I'm hopeless.

I force myself to sit up and dig around in the drawer of my bedside table until I come up with a black ink pen. I push up my sleeve and begin doodling on my pale skin of my wrist, noticing the rolling feeling as I go over my veins. I draw a little flower with a wavy stem, a few leaves, and then some of those sparkly things. When it's done I feel less of an urge to destroy my skin.

I lay back down and sigh.

Is this going to be my entire life? Am I always going to be minimized to these little tricks just to keep going?

Draw on yourself instead of cutting.

Make a list of reasons to live.

Take this medication.

Try that medication.

The side effects will go away.

Start meditating.

Be mindful.

Be gentle with yourself.

Hours and hours of useless therapy.

None of it matters. I'm in pain. Mentally, physically, emotionally, I'm in pain and the best thing I can do right now is just accept that maybe this is my life.

I dig around in my bed until I come up with my phone and I start typing out lyrics in my "notes" app. I title this note with a storm cloud emoji.

I can't do shit right, I can't learn my lesson
I can't do shit right, take antidepressants

I stop there and toss my phone aside. What a shitty way to start a song. After thinking for awhile I come up with more verses though, so I get back to work, telling my inner voice to shut the fuck up. If I have to go through all of this, if this is what my life is going to be like, the least I can do is turn this shit into some badass music.

509 words :)