Thorns Of The Past.

Decisions And Discussions. Part I.

Fear is a reaction, courage is a brave decision and a discussion with the people you trust blindly is a desperate need for help.

~about two hours later, quite late at noon, Blue River Pack, pack house~

Ryker's pov

I set my foot inside the house and lower my head ashamed of looking at them in the eyes.

I just got in, after a long run in the forest, but I am disappointed to say that it didn't help me, as I am still a mess and more confused than ever. And now I feel even worse, since my grandpa, Jack, my grandma, Ruth and aunt Kaitlyn are staring at me in complete silence.

I hoped they wouldn't be here and I would have time to run up, in my room and get locked in there to avoid them and everyone else, but unfortunately this wasn't possible and now I have to face them.

Shit!

I am a fucking wreck, I am standing on my own with great efforts, as I didn't stop running the fastest I could these two hours and I don't know how to behave after my 'great' achievements...

Okay, I have seen them again after that day, they came at my grandparents' house to see me and we talked, but I could feel 'safer' there. All I feel right now, here, in this house is that I am vulnerable and it's not their fault. It is mine and hers...

Hayley's.

I haven't stopped thinking of what Bianca told me, I can't get Hayley out of my head, my wolf decided to make it even harder for me and keeps on fighting for control in order to take me to her and I am more lost than ever, I mean... I...

Bianca was right in everything she told me about the whole thing, her example about Claire and Blaze was in the point and I admit that the reasons she supports Hayley have touched me deeply, but some things will never change between Hayley and me.

The past won't change, my hatred for her mother will never be gone from my heart, I am sure my anger won't leave me any time soon and as I have mentioned, I will always remember of Michelle and what she and Gabriel did to my mother when I will look at Hayley, so there is no future for us.

Our bond is doomed already! It would never, ever last, so it must be cut the sooner. It isn't meant for us to be together, our bond is a mistake and I need to make things right for me, my mother and sister and rest of the family.

I must admit that my heart will never be the same after I reject her and she accepts it, because I won't stop until she does, but this is the only solution. My family comes first, I won't lose my pride because of Hayley and nobody is going to be happy otherwise. I know that she can't be like her mother, I think I have the courage to see things clearly and not like few days ago, but this mustn't affect me.

She is a victim as well, she didn't choose any of these, she deserves the best and I swear that I can't describe how angry and hurt I feel for everything she has been through or how much love I have for her already, but... It is impossible for us to be together, not in this life, it is wrong!

This is why I was running like crazy, all these thoughts were chasing me and I was trying to get away from them by reaching my body up to its limits, but it didn't work. My body is burning and it was on fire until some time ago, my paws were hurting like hell, I couldn't breathe without feeling my lungs aching, but Hayley's thought denies leaving from my mind and Hayley is constantly present, although she is not here, I mean by my side.

I am torn in two pieces and it is unbearable!

The one piece of me wants me to reject her the sooner I can, even now and put an end in this crazy, bad, unfair scenario that destiny wrote for us, but then there is the other piece of me. This one screams to me that Hayley is my fate. It says that I was born to be with her, love her, adore and take care of her, honor her and be proud of her. It asks her nonstop, it repeats that I can't reject her, because if I do, it will be like I reject my heart and who I am.