Please... make it stop... it hurts... | Depressed Deku AU

Chapter Fourteen

Katsuki's POV

as I lay in my bed thinking about izuku, like always, I ended up blaming myself and feeling like shit. I've been doing this routine of blaming myself, doing nothing, and being guilty for almost two weeks now. 

when I last saw Izuku everything just went horribly wrong, I got mad and frustrated and so did he. I said some things I didn't mean and I didn't know what I was saying... I really hate emotions. 

"UGH, WHY CAN'T LIFE BE SIMPLE FOR ONCE!?!" I yelled, I pulled at my hair and rolled around my bed.

"KATSUKI STOP SHOUTING! BE QUIET!" The old hag yelled.

"I AM BEING QUIET!! YOUR THE ONE YELLING, YOU STUPID OLD HAG!!!" I yelled 

I let other a sigh and sat up from my laying down position, I grab my remote and turn on my tv. I flip through channels looking for something that can distract me from my thoughts. I wasn't playing attention to what I was flipping through so I just I stop on a news channel.

 My thoughts came to a skidding halt when the news caster said 'Now on to the urgent news, 15 year old quirkless boy jumps from building, saved by 15 year old girl with gravity quirk' a picture was displayed of  a brown haired girl in a sailor suit school uniform who I didn't recognize.

Then a picture of a boy that had bushy green hair,  emerald green eyes, and freckles on his cheeks flashed across the screen. I recognized him instantly. 

"IZUKU!?!" I scream, bolting into a standing position. I quickly grab a hoodie from my closet and before I realized what I was doing I was out side Izuku's house. I couldn't control my emotions in that moment and lost my sense of reason, fatal mistake for me right now.

'FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!?' I think as my hand ligers over the door bell. I bite my lip nervously, silently hoping everything would just disappear or that it was all a dream. 

Before I get a change to leave the doorknob began to turn and the door opened. A voice called out: "I will mom!" it was the sweet voice I knew so well, but the sweetness I know and loved seemed fake almost and replaced with an emotion I can't quite name. 

 Shortly after he emerged, I was face to face with a green bushy haired 15 year old boy.

Izuku Midoriya.

Izuku's POV

I didn't feel like doing anything, I was just so unmotivated. Everything is so numb and dull, the worlds color seems less vibrant now. 

the voices have gotten louder, they say stuff like: 

'HA! Pathetic Izuku can't kill himself right!'

'keep burdening ever why don't you!'

'Your such a waste of space!'

'why don't you trying offing yourself again, maybe third times a charm!'

'Useless, quirkless, failure!' 

I  braced my head on my hands, sweat poured down my face and tears poured out of my eyes as I remembered what the voices say.

I've gotten good at crying quietly, haven't I?

'I need a way of controlling these feelings...' I think, my eyes shifted to the bathroom where my razors were. I get off my bed, hesitantly I walked into my bathroom. As much as I would love to stop cutting, I just can't control my emotions. This is the only way I can control them.