Untouchable

Primetime

You are the disease

The days went by, and I squeaked through all my classes with low, low, grades. Jordon and I were still going strong, on weekends I'd sneak over there. We'd either stay home together, or go out to a party. I wasn't much for the parties--I just clung onto Jordon's arm, but it was where I got my fix.

It was the last day of school and I couldn't be more relieved. Tonight I was headed to a party with Jordon, and it would be the start of a sick summer. I usually didn't get this excited for summer, but with it being the end of a terrible school year, and the start to an exciting break, I had good reason. There never was much to look forward to in the summer--two months stuck in a house with my dad wasn't much fun. I was so thankful that Jordon came into my life.

When the clock struck three, the bell rang, sounding the end of a dark journey through hell. I sighed happily. No more Barbies, no more teachers, and a lot more boyfriend. I smiled at the thought of spending my summer with Jordon instead of my stupid father.

I found Jordon in the halls, and bravely gave him a peck on the lips--Dayna was watching. He pulled me in, his hand resting low.

"Come to my place at eight. We'll walk together--there's like seven parties going on tonight. But the one we're going to will be the best."

This is the falling

You could hear the music before you could see the house. Laughter and screams echoed down the dark street; I felt bad for the neighbours.

I was holding onto Jordon's hand--he led the way. I wondered who would be at this party. As long as Dayna wasn't there I'd be okay. The threat from her still felt real, and I didn't have the energy to fight tonight.

We entered the house and the usual happened. Jordon was warmly welcome, and I was left in his shadows. I felt about as comfortable as a fish out of water. But soon that would change. Jordon would hand me a drink, and in a reasonable amount of time, I'd find my fix, the rest would be a blur, and by the end of the night, I'd end up having sex. Perhaps tonight I'd enjoy it for once--the drugs definitely helped. I didn't know why it was such a hard task. Maybe it was because I was too body conscious to be naked in front of him. Unfortunately, I had no choice if I wanted to get high.

Was I in this for the Heroin or for Jordon?

Whether it was the alcohol that brought that thought into my mind or not, I found myself separated from him. I had a certain taste on my tongue, and I had yet to quench it. I was too scared to go and find my own, so I needed to find Jordon first.

One more hit and you'll get better

I meandered through the crowd in search. I was bumped and thrown about--several people spilt their drinks on me. I accidentally ran into a couple eating each others faces. The guy got angry and the girl asked if I wanted to join--I ran.

I scrambled through the crowd and was pushed into a crudely shut door. There was a couple in the bed: one with a blank face, another with a sinister look.

There, naked in the bed, was Jordon and the ever so evil, Dayna.

I should've yelled, I should've screamed--I should've called them out in front of the whole party--but I didn't. I should've punched him, and beat her--slapped that smirk right off her face. I should've grabbed her by her stringy hair and thrown her naked body into the crowd of party-goers.

And I didn't.

Instead I backed out and shut the door--letting them continue--and ran. I ran out of the house, across the driveway, and down the street. Could've been the alcohol in my stomach, or what I just witnessed, but I made it half a block before my stomach could take no more, and I puked into a hedge; I had a funny feeling it was the latter of the two.

I felt physically sick. Not just my stomach. My veins were pumping poison, my lungs filled with sand. How could I have done this to myself? I never should have let down my walls. I was fine until he poisoned me with his . . . his everything. How could I have been so stupid. I thought we would last. I thought this was right--I dreamed a future for us. But I was just another notch in his belt.

I should've known it wouldn't have worked. He was too good for me. I saw all the warning signs and I chose to ignore them.

Stupid girl.

This is the once was, you are the has-been.

The thought of them together like that made me want to retch again. I was drowning in pain. I didn't know how I could get through the night feeling this, let alone the rest of the week, and the rest of the month, and the rest of eternity. The hurt was all in my head, but I felt it physically. Right in my chest. It felt like I had a ten ton weight sitting there. It was flowing through my whole body, grinding against my veins. It was filling my lungs, stealing my air. Poison pumped where blood once flowed.

My heart was broken.

I was at a loss for everything.

I hoped he thought of me. I hoped that when she closed her hand around him, and he closed his eyes, I was there. I hoped that when he ran his hands down her body it was ice cold. I hope he had to concentrate when he whispered her name. I hope I was in the back of his mind, because I know I was in the back of Dayna's mind.

But I know he didn't. And that didn't faze me. What fazed me was that Dayna hurt me when I did absolutely nothing wrong. I never hurt her. I just had something she didn't have, and she couldn't handle it. What a horrible person.

She needed to burn in hell.

The heartbreak was so real. I didn't know how to get through it. We were in love, he said he loved me--no. He never did. I always said it, and he replied with a me too. I was in over my head, and Jordon only skimmed the surface.

That's when the tears came. They were hot and salty, they flowed hard and fast. I was in so much pain. The sobs shook my shoulders and hit me like bullets. The loneliness hit me like a sledge hammer. How was I ever supposed to feel okay again? I was betrayed by the one person who held my life in his hands. I needed someone. I needed comfort. Fuck, I wanted my dad to walk up and hug me and tell me the pain would all go away.

A hand lay on my shoulder. I whipped around, my hands balled in fists.

"You alright?"

This is the deep end, you are the drowning.

Immediately, I relaxed. How was it that staring into the big brown eyes of a certain blue haired boy with facial piercings could calm me down? Familiarity? Was it the fact that I could see the recognition in his face as well--he remembered me. I knew him for only a few minutes, but he remembered. He had thinned out--his shirt hung on his shoulders, and bagged in places it shouldn't have. But I didn't think anymore of it.

"We're blowin' snow in the park there if you wanna join," he said nonchalantly.

With no hesitation, I agreed.

This, was it.

This was my demise.

This is the funeral, you are the casket.