Social Heart

IRL

The pain that was knawing at her heart was one that Scarlett had never really felt before. Maybe it was because she had never felt more in love with anyone besides Chris. Sure they've had their drama, but most of it was taken out of context. Now neither of them knew what the true story was. Maybe that's why she was in so much pain. 

He could have cheated with anyone, but why her? Even if he didn't, which there was still a possibility, he's still talking to this woman. A beautiful woman. She's fucking talented, she's a freaking Disney princess for crying out loud. She was 5'7. She's skinny, she's is insanely popular movies, who wouldn't want her? Hell, she wasn't gay but she saw the appeal! 

That's what was bothering her. That he had done it with someone better than her. Her self confidence had only ever taken a strike like this once before. One of her first serious relationships ended this way, her one previous to Chris. Perhaps that's also another fear, that's she's officially come full circle and Chris would leave her the same way Ryan left her, for someone better. She needed a better understanding of everything. 

This is why the next time someone knocked on her door she wasn't as shocked and confused. She was expecting this next guest. 
"Ryan. Come in." 

"Scarlett" He nodded. "I didn't expect to hear from you." 

"I wanted to talk to you." She said. "I know we really shouldn't be meeting with quarantine and everything." 

"Oh no, you're fine really." He reassured. "Umm, so what did you want to talk about?" 

"How have you been?" She asked as they walked over to the couches. 

"Great, things have been interesting. I'm launching my phone service brand soon so that's great." 

"That's amazing." She nodded. 

"But I am guessing you didn't call me over here to talk about the phone company." He deadpanned. "I've never known you to be anything other than outright," 

"What I wanted to ask you is a bit awkward." She admitted. "I'm sure you've seen the news, I seem to be falling down the same path I did when you and I broke up." 

"Yeah about that, I'm sorry. I know I never officially apologized," 

"We weren't made for each other Ryan, and if we didn't go through that break up I feel like we in some way wouldn't have started our families. What are you at now? Two  kids?" 

"Three. Just had our baby girl a few months ago." She smiled. 

"Congratulations Ryan, three is a lot." She said. 

"So what's on your mind?" It was odd seeing Ryan so serious, the majority of their relationship he was cracking jokes, but she guessed he could read the room and could tell she was in no mood to laugh. 

"Well," She looked up, slightly biting her lip trying to prevent the tears from falling. "I think Chris... I think he cheated on me. Which is scaring the hell out of me, because I have falling back into the pit of questions." 

"You think I can answer those?" He asked softly. "I don't understand." 

"You left Ryan. You choose Blake, and I am happy for you, believe me, but I guess I never got to ask you why. Why was she so much better than me? What made you choose her? I have to know because I have to know if I should prepare myself for Chris leaving me."  

"Scarlett when I tell you that you had nothing to do with my choices in choosing Blake I meant it. Do you want my complete honesty? No holding back?" He questioned, he didn't want to hurt her. They've both grown immensely since their time together, they would actually talk this time. 

"I need you to be honest with me," 

"Okay." He nodded. "Well, then I want you to know that I took into consideration what we had, but in the end I choose Blake. I truly believed I loved you Scarlett, but when I met Blake it was like something inside me clicked. I didn't want to be away from her." 

"When you started to come home late." 

"Yes, I was with her. I didn't want to be around you because I wanted to be around her. Even when I was with you I was on the phone with her. It was wrong on my part but I couldn't stand to be away from her. I was being an idiot, and a jerk I know that but Blake made me happy in the end. I think I would have been an even bigger jerk had I married you, knowing I was falling in love with her." 

"You couldn't even look me in the eyes the last few days, I think that was one of the things that told me this was ending." 

"Can he look at you?" Ryan asked, after a moment of silence. 

"What?" 

"Chris, when he was last over, could he look at you?" She nodded her head softly. "When you would tell me you loved me, I could never say it back to you because it was a lie, I always bring you into another conversation." 

"He told me he loved me earlier today, he came over and we fought." 

"Scarlett we didn't even have the connection to fight." He looked up at her. "Chris isn't me, I don't know how he thinks. But I don't think he's in love with this other woman. Would someone who's in love with you go through the trouble of buying you ice cream, that is from Harlem, when you're in Manhattan? I couldn't even remember your favorite food when we dated, let alone all of those" 

The ice cream was from her favorite Ice Cream shop. Chris didn't like going there because it was a bit of a drive. She had to admit her heart fluttered a bit when she saw that he had bought that for her.

"I think you should talk to him. Tell him how you feel." He laughed lightly. "It was something we couldn't do with each other, I think it would make a big impact for you." 

"You are really helpful," She laughed a little. "Thank you." Ryan nodded and then stood up. He explained that his daughter was waiting for him so they could watch Little Mermaid together. 

"I'll walk you out." 

"Thank you." He nodded. "And Scarlett I want you to know that it didn't have to do with who was better. I don't think any human is better than another. But I think it's about connection. Neither of us was happy." 

"I have to admit I think it could have been done easier," She said. "But I am glad one of us realized it. I don't think I could have ever admitted to myself I liked him otherwise." 

"I always knew, Or I had an inkling. The stuff he did for you, the attentiveness he had for you was just more than a friend. If you looked into his eyes you could see love." Ryan said. "I wish you the best Scarlett." 

"Thank you. And thank you for coming over." 

"Bye." 

Ryan left and Scarlett felt a lot better. Yes, the pain was still there, but she felt better knowing that she had done nothing wrong, at least in Ryan's case. She was still hurting, her heart shattered, and still longed for everything to stop, but it hurt a little less. Would she still cry tonight? Yes. There was no stopping that, but she had a better grip on life now. She realized she needed to talk to Chris. No yelling, just talking. 

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It's hard to love someone who loves someone else,
you have to ignore the pain and swallow your pride
just to be a friend. 
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