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3 more days
i sat at the bar by myself this time. and i wasn't on mission either, jaeyoon doesn't come on wednesdays.
instead i sat there, in sweats and a baggy hoodie, sipping on a whole bottle of soju. just soju.
i got looks from guys and other people around me as they saw me taking a sips from a soju bottle, not even touching the shot glass beside it.
today i just felt like shit. i randomly have these days where i just overthink my life a lot. i look at the things i've done in the past and the things i still do.
and i keep remembering the person i used to be.
i was even reflecting on the first time i killed someone. it was also the first time i picked up a gun.
and i keep feeling guilt and shame. guilt because i'm hurting jimin in a way, shame because my parents wanted better for me. they wanted me to do better.
they'd be so disappointed.
i couldn't even cry. it almost felt like there were no more tears left in me, it was just a dry desert in that part of me.
it hurts not to cry, it feels like bottled up feelings that will never be able to escape. it hurts to feel no pain or mercy for the people i kill.
despite who those men are, they're still human beings. no one deserves to die, honestly.
"callista ryu," a woman's voice approached me. kim ara smiled at me, jaemyung's daughter. "you look...well you look like shit, to be honest."
i chuckled, "tell me something i don't know."
"apple martini please," she said to the bartender as she sat next to me. "so, what's the point of having a shot glass if you're not gonna use it?"
she gave me a sweet grin, her hair was in a perfect low bun, beautiful earrings that complimented her facial features.
she was dressed in beige dress pants, along with a white blouse that had a splash of nude and rose colored watermarks.
i shrugged, "i'm pretty sure you're aware of how everything is going."
she sighed, "i heard jimin bought another restaurant?"
