The Pursuit of Happiness (Patrick Kane)

|Twenty-Nine|

Patrick

It's the morning of Samuels funeral and I skip morning skate before tonight's game to attend it. And not for Kayleigh or for me, but for Samuel. Kayleigh said he was a big fan of mine and even though he's not with us anymore, I feel his presence. He is now someone I think about a lot and someone I play for.

I pull on my best suit I had and head to the church Kayleigh told me about. I walk in and sit at the back as people go up to the casket and leave flowers and say a few words to the family. There was pictures of him all around the church and I see one of him in my jersey at a game near the front that had to be a few years old. My chest tightens so much my heart skips a beat as I look at the picture of him and his sister at one of my games. It couldn't have been too long ago but it was before Kayleigh and Marissa was a part off my life. He had always believed in me and I didn't believe in him until it was too late.

I felt awful for the way I acted, the things I said. I didn't know any better, but in that case I should have stayed silent. I shouldn't have ran my mouth about something I had no idea about. Like how many people like him die every day just for being black and walking down the street. His death was ruled a accident but it doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't change the fact that someone I knew of was now gone because I wanted to act like these kinds of things happen all the time.

I stay to myself in the back as Kayleigh stays by Marissa's side. They sit with her family at the front and they all say nice words about Samuel at the podium. Eventually they open it up and let others say something about him too. He was adored by so many people, he was going to do such great things. It broke my heart that he died so young with such hopes and dreams that now lay with him.

Eventually I stand up and I walk to the front. I see Kayleigh sitting there as she looks up at me. I rest my hand on her shoulder for a second to provide some comfort. She's been there for everyone else and it was time someone was going to be there for her. Then I go to the stand at the front and grab the microphone. I can tell some people recognized me but no one said a word. I sat there silent at the front as everyone's eyes were on me.

"Hello everyone. I'm Patrick Kane and I don't know Samuel personally, but I do know his sister and I know his good friend Kayleigh very well. I just wanted to come up here and share my condolences. I wanted everyone to know that Samuels death isn't the end of his legacy, I want to do what I can to keep his memory alive and for him to be able to keep touching peoples lives even though he is gone.

Even though I am not the person who pulled the trigger, I feel partially responsible for what happened. There's so many people like me who live in this city who picks and chooses what parts of this city to call home. Claiming that I have nothing to do with the gun violence or pure hatred happening in this city. But Chicago is home to me, and that means it's every part of this city, even the bad parts. I'm not a victim of gun violence but I am a victim of my thoughts and the way I thought that a situation like this wouldn't ever affected me.

But it does because now this city is a little less great without Sam in it. It's still home, but it is down someone who made it feel like home.

I want to be the first to apologize, because even though I didn't pull the trigger I did nothing to take the gun out of the hands of people who shouldn't have them. I still thought Sam was just another number to add to the gun violence total here in this city. Not knowing that I was who inspired him to want to make this city a better place and play sports.

I'm going to be better, because it might be too late for Sammy but he wanted better for others. I do too. I hate that change only comes when it's too late, but it's not too late for me to change. I change every day for the better and I hope I never stop. I'm lucky enough to have had someone in my life for almost six months who isn't afraid to teach me these kinds of lessons that leave scars. That might never stop hurting.

To Marissa and your family, you guys have my whole support and anything you guys need please don't hesitate to ask. I want you guys to be able to mourn and once you're ready, I will do whatever I need to do in order to make this easier for you" I finish.

Kayleigh gets up out of her spot about halfway through my speech and stands by my side. She tangled her fingers in my hand as she squeeze my arm with her other hand. Her mere presence made me feel a little bit stronger, a little bit better. We stand there and shed a few tears before we leave the stand at the front of the church.

She takes me to another part of the church and we find a bench to sit at. I rest my head on her shoulder as she comforts me. "That was beautiful" she says.

"I wish I could do more for them" I insist.

"We always want more than we will ever have. But the fact that you want more for others than yourself, that is growth. I'm proud of you for being vulnerable in front of everyone and not for you, but for them" she explains.

"You gave me strength to do that. You have been so strong and I just wanted to be like you" I claim.

"I haven't been strong. I've been hurting and I feel broken. But my inspiration for the strength to go on is around me, not in me. That's how we get better together, that's how we grow" she says.

"I'm sorry for the way I behaved" I start. "I feel like shit for saying and thinking those things. For meaning every bit of it too. I hate that it took losing someone for me to see just how wrong I was" I sigh.

"But you learned. It would have been worse if we lost him and you didn't learn" she reminds me.

"I don't even know where to go from here. I want so bad to help but I feel helpless" I admit.

"Why don't we go home and look up some charities and inicitives in place for gun control in the city" she suggests and my head pops up.

"You're coming home" I gasp.

"Yeah" she says with a sad smile, "I'm coming home."

After talking with Marissa and her family for a little we let them put him in the ground alone. Let them say their final goodbyes and learn how to live with this heavy loss in their family. Kayleigh follows through on her promise and comes home with me. We get right to work finding something to do to prevent something like this from happening again. And while we ourselves can't walk around taking away guns and resolving problems within this city that's been there for decades, we can do other things like fund the projects to keep kids off the streets and helping boys like Samuel who tutored black kids in the community so they had a bright future just like he did.