The Pursuit of Happiness (Patrick Kane)

|Fourteen|

Kayleigh

"Tell. Me. Everything" Marissa begs as she looks at me with her big brown eyes. Her bright yellow rain coat making her brown skin sparkle under the low lights of the library we sit in. While this was our usual study group, this wasn't our usual study group conversation.

"It was just a date" I try to defend even though I know she wasn't buying it. With finals coming up in a few weeks you would think she would be focused on her studies and not my dating life. But with her I never know what to expect.

"But you said it was a great night. I've known you for seven years and I have never heard you say the words "great" and "date" in the same sentence" she argues.

"I mean, it was a great night. I feel like I could be myself around him and that he accepted me in all my stubbornness and all my dreams. He didn't think I was crazy when I told him what I was feeling and he reciprocated the feelings back. It was a amazing date... but that's all it was" I explain.

"You expect me to downplay the fact that you and one of the sexiest men in the entire Chicago area going on a date isn't a big deal? Maybe not to you because you refuse to see him as a huge figure in this city but he is" she says.

"Because to me he's not. To me he is a sweet guy who has a way in this world and he is starting to find it. And he wants me to be a part of the journey" I defend.

"So you're his girlfriend" she concludes making my eyes go big.

"I never said that" I argue.

"Not outright, no. But you inferred it" she insists.

"We don't have label Riss, we're just... dating. I guess, I don't really know. We're friends, I know that much. But I'm not really sure where we stand or what we are. We're both trying to change the world right now and he... he is and he can't even see it. What his team is doing is special and he is a big piece of that. That team needs him and his focus, I sincerely don't want to be what causes him to lose a grip" I say.

"This isn't about hockey Kay, this is about relationships. And you don't have to have good experiences with them in order for this one to work out. You're not like other girls, hell you asked him out. You want to work for the government and you want to help as many people as you possibly can. You can't expect this to be easy" she insists.

"I don't even know what this is" I sigh. "I know labels aren't important. He likes me and I like him, we can be just dating and that would be fine.

But since when was fine good enough" I question rhetorically.

"Why don't you ask him what he wants" she wonders.

"And what if it's not what I want too? Then what" I whisper.

"Only you two can figure that out. And I know you will given the chance, you guys have made it this far despite everything you knew. You can make it happen I swear it" she promises.

I let out a long sigh as I tap my highlighter on the note pad full of notes that was sitting in front of me. While she came here to grill me about what kind of relationship I was in I was still here to study. Finals are next month and if things work out the way I hope I graduate a little while after. I still had my goals in sight even if there was something standing in front of me now. Or in this case, someone.

"Listen, I can't tell you that I'm not really into this guy. I can't tell you that I don't want to see where this goes or what we can do together. I can't tell you that he doesn't make me happier than I have been in a long time. Because he is all of those things and more.

But relationships are tricky because it can't be one sided or half assed. I don't know if we can both be what we need to be while holding down our own" I try to explain.

"You won't know if you don't give it a chance" she reminds me.

"I know" I sigh. "I sit here and tell everyone to take chances, to seize the day or however you want to say it. But I don't know how to do these things for myself when it comes to relationships. I've been so worried about protecting and defending and fighting for others, I guess I haven't really figured it out for myself with someone else" I shrug.

"Well if anyone can do it, it's you" she insists.

After studying for another hour we call it quits. I had a big test tomorrow and I didn't want to stress myself out. Plus with all of this on my mind there is no way I can retain anything else.

So I walk back to my place and decide to grab a bite to eat. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and see Patrick calling. My heart races a little as I smile to myself.

"What's up" I answer as I continue to walk. It has been raining all morning but it has cleared up allowing me to walk a little slower.

"Hey you. I was just calling to see how your day was" he starts.

I stop to think about what Marissa said. And while she was right, if I just talked to him I sure we could figure all of this out. But I also feel like doing this over the phone isn't how it should happen.

"My day was pretty long. I had to listen to Marissa rant again but that's nothing new" I chuckle.

"That girl has a lot of spunk" he claims as I roll my eyes.

"You have no idea" I insist. "And how have you been?"

"I had a long day too. We had a few interviews and photo shoots while were in New York. With all the attention the team is getting there really is no off days. But I'm feeling a lot better now that I get to hear your voice" he claims.

I roll my eyes because I get what he's trying to do, but sometimes it comes off a bit... try hard if you will. Like we didn't already go on a date and didn't already decide to go on more once he gets back.

"Is that why you called" I tease.

"That's part of it. And I wanted to see how you're doing" he claims.

"Well I'm good, thanks for checking up on me" I smile. "Do you think we can talk when you get back? It's nothing bad, I promise. I just want to talk to you" I insist.

"Of course. I'm there" he says.