The New American Dream

Part Three: After | Chapter Thirteen

The next day started with English. I liked English, it was one of my favorite subjects, but I was a bit nervous. I hadn't been in that classroom since the accident and I was afraid something would snap in me if I went back into it. I also hadn't seen Mrs Holland since then, how would she be holding up? I didn't want to know what it would be like to be a teacher and witness a student dying in your classroom that you then had to go back and teach in every day. I thought it was rather courageous of her, I would have probably changed schools had I been in her position.

"Hey, are you going in?" Daniel asked.

I hadn't noticed that I had just been standing in front of the room or even that Daniel had walked up to me.

"Oh, uh, yes. I'm going in," I said somewhat startled and stepped inside. For a moment I braced myself for the worst but nothing happened, I didn't feel any different. No hallucinations, no sudden waves of emotion, no flashbacks more than usual. With a relieved sigh I sat down in a chair furthest away from the place it had happened it, way at the front of the classroom. Daniel sank into the seat next to me.

"Is everything alright with you?" he asked with a smile.

"Me?" I asked, my eyes glued to the spot on the floor. "Yeah sure. It's just... this is the room it happened in. You know the thing with Mark. But I'm okay over here."

"Oh, I'm really sorry." Daniel straightened up in his seat, blocking my view to that horrible place. I was glad I didn't have to see it anymore.

We started talking about this and that until the lesson started, just getting to know each other. I had the suspicion Daniel was trying to distract me and cheer me up and I liked that idea. It was a nice gesture.

"I'm kinda excited, you know. Seniors get to pick the books they read in class and I have a whole list of books we could do," I told him.

"You read then? For fun?"

I rolled my eyes. "No because I hate it." Then I allowed myself to smile at him. "Yes for fun."

"I'm... kinda not the person for reading," he admitted with a half smile.

My heart jumped a little, he did look good like that. Instantly I scolded myself for thinking that, I still had trouble with positive feelings, I felt guilty for having them.

When Mrs Holland walked in I looked at her closely, but she seemed to be holding up rather well, or at least to conceal any negative feelings well enough. She gave me a smile and then started her lesson. The first thing she of course asked was whether someone had any book ideas.

My hand flew up immediately, I seemed to be the only person in the room.

"Yes, Ms West?"

I pulled the list I had compiled out of my binder. "I have a whole list actually, I think they're all suitable. My recommendations would be The Perks Of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, Struck By Lightning by Chris Colfer or Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli."

"I'm familiar with The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, I like that book. Would you give me the list? Then I can look at it at home."

I handed her my list when she came to collect it, she took a look at it.

"Do you have the two books you recommended at home?"

I nodded.

"Would you bring them on Thursday so I can have a look at them?"

"Will do."

She smiled at me again. "Alright, does anyone else have a suggestion what we should read?" she asked into the room, but no one said anything. "Okay. Then we'll start with The Perks Of Being A Wallflower next week, buy the book until then. As we don't really have anything to start with today you can use this lesson for whatever your heart desires, as long as you can keep quiet and stay in this room," she announced.