I Want To Do Real Bad Things With You (Boy x Boy)

(11) I Want To Do Real Bad Things With You

I Want To Do Real Bad Things With You

Chapter 11

Jace’s POV

I was trying to stay positive but it was difficult without Drake around. The days dragged by and I couldn’t get myself to concentrate on anything. Studying and doing assignments felt like torture and the only good thing about everyday was when I spoke to Drake. Hearing his voice made me feel instantly better but as soon as we said goodbye everything turned to shit again. I have no idea how I am going to make it through the next few years if I can barely make it through the day. I kept on telling myself that it would get better but everyday felt worse than the one before. I thought that my new job would keep my mind off of things but it didn’t work. The only think I could think about was Jace and how much I miss him. At least I got my first paycheck the end of the week and could actually buy some proper food, unfortunately I had no appetite.

It was late on Saturday afternoon that I decided to stop moping around and do something. I had no idea what though so I switched on my laptop and decided to look up the university Jace was attending.  I doubted that I would find much but it might keep my mind occupied for a while.

I found the university’s webpage easily and to my surprise it wasn’t as boring as I thought. They had lots of articles and an entire page dedicated to school photos. There was even a section where students could upload and share photos. It was actually cool to look through all of them, that is until I found a photo of Drake, a photo that broke my heart and caused my world to come tumbling down around me.

It looked like he was sat some sort of party. He was sitting on a couch and some girl was sitting on his lap with her lips tightly pressed against his. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, all this time he’s been telling me how much he misses me and I believed him. I thought this was just as hard on him as it’s been on me but obviously not. He’s been pretending and lying to me. Pretending to be sad while he’s actually been having the time of his life.

I shut the laptop and jumped up from the chair where I was sitting, causing it to skid across the floor and fall over. I backed away from the desk until mu back hit the wall, unable to believe what I had just seen.

Could everything he said have been a lie? I wondered but I already knew the answer. It was right there on the screen after all. Did he ever really love me?

I couldn’t handle it, I couldn’t stand being in the same room as that photo so I ran out of the room and then all the way out of the house, not bothering to take my wallet or my phone.  I ran and ran, not knowing or caring where I was going. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered. It didn’t feel like it but I must have ran pretty far because when I finally looked up to see where I was, I was standing in front of the graveyard, my eyes stinging from the wind and the tears. I just stood there staring at the big gates, trying to get my emotions under control, after a few minutes I realized that it was never going to happen. Everything is completely fucked. Drake doesn’t love me and I am all alone. I made my way into the graveyard and to my mother’s grave.  I found it easily and sat down next to it, looking at the gravestone. I miss her but even when I lost her the pain wasn’t anything compared to the pain I was feeling now. It was as if somebody had pulled my heart right out of my chest.

I have no idea how long I sat there crying before I fell asleep and I honestly don’t care. In fact it might be better if I just never woke up at all, but I did and it was pitch black night that surrounded me.

I was still breathing heavily as I pushed myself to my feet and made my way out of the graveyard. I have no idea why I even bothered going home but it was the only place I could think of. It took me forever to get there and when I finally did I had no idea what to do. I felt so empty and stupid but most of all I was hurting. Why did he tell me he loves me when he clearly doesn’t? Why did he do this to me? I kept on thinking but the more I thought about it the more confused I got. I honestly believed that he loved me but I guess I was wrong.

I fell down on the couch, trying not to cry but failing miserably. I laid there for a long time, trying not to think about what happened, trying not to think about the picture but it was engraved in my mind and when I finally fell asleep I dreamt about it.

I woke up sometime the next day. I didn’t bother to eat and I didn’t bother studying or do any of my assignments. None of it mattered.

Instead I went upstairs to my room and crawled into bed.  It didn’t take long before my cell phone started ringing. I picked it up and looked at the screen. It was Drake’s ringtone and there was a picture of us on the screen. I let it ring. When it stopped I cleared my log that showed he had tried to phone me more than twenty times. There were about the same amount of voice messages and about ten text messages. I didn’t want to look at them but I couldn’t stop myself. I read all of them and then switched off my phone, unable to hear anymore of his lies. He said he was worried, he said that he loves me. What a load of crap.