Panne jazbaaton ke- 2

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5 years after YUDKBH

Iss badaltey samay mein
Sab kuch hain badal gaya
Agar kuch nahi badla woh hain
Uske liye pyaar aur meri galti ka pachtava

Aaj 5 saal ho gaye Ashi ko hum sabse door gaye hue. Aaj 5 saal ho gaye, meri galti ki vajah se, use mujhse door hue.
Aaj tak iss baat ka guilt hain ki sirf aur sirf meri vajah se sirf uska dil hi nahi toota balki uska career bhi barbaad ho gaya! Usne acting chod di aur sabse door chali gayi! Jab pata laga ki usne kya kiya, meri toh jaise pairon tale zameen khisak gayi! Man toh kiya,uski tarah sab kuch chodkar uske peeche chala jaun! Par main aisa nahi kar sakta tha. Agar maine aisa kiya, toh sab logon ko yeh yakeen ho jayega ki zaroor humare beech kuch bada hua hain, Jo main bilkul nahi chahta tha!
Meri vajah se woh bahut kuch sun chuki hain aur isiliye, main nahi chahta tha ki aur koi media mein tamasha ho aur log tarah-tarah ki baatein kare!

Maine acting nahi chodi par uske jaane ke baad, mera saara jazbaa, saari khushiyan kahi kho gayi.

Tu jab paas tha
Tab ehsaas nahi hua
Ki yeh dil sirf tumhare liye dhadakta hain
Ab jo tu paas na raha
Zinda laash ki bhaanti jee raha
Sirf yahi dua maang raha
Laut aao mere humnava!

Yudkbh ki wrap up party thi. Uss din hum sab bahut emotional the! Sab log sabse baat kar rahe the, sabke saath photo khicha rahe the. Main bhi bahut udaas tha. Yeh udaasi sirf show band hone se nahi thi. Yeh udaasi kuch aur hi thi. Uss waqt main pehchaan na saka, ki yeh kya hain. Uss waqt jaan na saka ki main Ashi se pyaar karne laga tha aur usse door hone ke khayal se mere man mein udaasi thi!
Jazbaaton ke kashmakash mein main gum khada tha aur un saare jazbaaton ko samajhne ki koshish kar raha tha, jab Ashi mere paas aai, ek pyaari muskaan ke saath. Par normal se bahut ajeeb thi uski behaviour. She was fidgeting with her fingers aur chehre pe itni nervousness thi jitni shooting ke pehle din pe bhi nahi thi!

Phir ek lambi saas lekar usne meri aankhon mein dekha aur apne pyaar ka izhaar kiya! Apne jazbaaton ke kashmakash se pareshaan, uske izhaar se kuch ajeeb sa mehsoos hua. Main bilkul samaj nahi paya. Woh udaasi, ek bechaini, ek disappointment etc sab gussa mein transform ho gaye aur maine use na keval reject kiya, balki use daat bhi di! Yeh bol diya ki " mujhe tumse yeh umeed nahi thi!"

Uski aankhein bhar aayi thi aur bina kuch kahe, woh waha se nikal gayi. Uske jaane ke baad, main bhi waha se nikal gaya kyunki kuch bhi accha nahi lag raha tha! Beech raaste, ek sunsaan mod par, maine gaadi rok di aur aankhein band karke bait gaya. Aankhien band karte hi, Ashi ka udaas chehra aankhon ke saamne aa gaya! Meri aankhien bhi, apne aap num ho gayi. Uss waqt, main kuch bhi sochne ki kshamata mein nahi tha, isliye ghar laut aaya.

Phir sardard ka bahana dekar, ghar pe hi raha. Har pal bas Ashi ka hi chehra saamne aata. Uska woh muskurata hua chehra yaad aata aur phir, achanak se uska woh dard bhara chehra saamne aa jaata.

Aise hi, jazbaaton ke kashmakash mein uljha, pata hi nahi chala kab paanch din beet gaye!

6th day, jab main aise hi apni mobile dekh raha tha, tab meri aankhien ek statement pe gayi aur use padte hi, mujhe aisa laga jaise kisine achanak se mere aas paas andhkar phaila di ho!

"I am really sorry to say that I will be quitting acting due to personal reasons, which I cannot reveal. I'm thankful to all my fans and loyal viewers of yudkbh, who have given me immense love, respect and recognition. I also express my gratitude towards the entire cast and crew of yudkbh, especially my co-actors cum friends, Shashi ma'am and Sumeet sir. I know ki aap sab bahut shocked hain. Many are even asking me to rethink my decision, but please understand, maine yeh phaisla bahut soch samajhkar liya hain and I'm sorry, I cannot change it!
Thank to all who have been with me throughout this journey. This was a short yet blissful journey all because of your love and support. Goodbye to all. Love you all lots. Thank you"

Mere haath se phone choot gayi aur meri aankhon se apne aap aasoon behte gaye!

Uss pal jab maine tumhara dil toda
Uss pal mujhe ehasaas na tha
Ki maine kya kiya
Par meri ek galti ki vajah se
Iss qadar tumhari zindagi badal jayegi
Yeh kabhi socha na tha

Jab tak main shock se baahar aaya, tab tak der raat ho chuki thi. Poori raat main so nahi paya. Bas hamare ek duje ke saath bitaye hue pal yaad aa rahe the.

Agle din, jab maine usse baat karne ki koshish ki toh Ayesha ne mera phone uthaya. Usne bataya ki Ashi humesha ke liye iss desh ko chodkar chali gayi! Maine bahut plead ki Ayesha se ki voh mujhe Ashi ka pata dede ya kum se kum uska number,par voh nahi maani. Woh sahi thi, Ashi ka dil todne ke baad, uski zindagi barbaad karne ke baad, mere kya haq banta tha uske baare mein jaanne ka!

Maine bahut dhoonda use par voh nahi mili. Bahut baar Ayesha se bhi request ki par woh nahi maani.

Duniya ke saamne acting karni padi ki main theek hoon par uske jaane ke baad se, kuch bhi accha nahi lag raha. Uske jaane ke baad, khudko khookhla mehsoos karne laga. Pehle dil se muskurata tha, par jabse use khoya, tabse bas ek jhooti muskaan chehre pe chipkaye rehta hoon.

Tu jab Juda hua
Mujhse mere humnava
Tab yeh ehsaas hua mujhe
Ki meri har dhadkan mein tum basti ho
Tere jaane ka gum
Tujhe khudse door karne ka gum
Tera dil todne ka gum
Mujhe khaye jaati hain mere humdum
Tu laut jaa mere paas
Ab nahi hota bardaasht
Tere na hone ka ehsaas

I love you Ashi! I love you so much. Please mujhe maaf kardo. Please mere paas aa jao. Tumhara dil todne ki sazaa paanch saal se bhugatta aaya hoon. Ab aur sehen nahi hota! Mera dum ghut raha hain tumhare bina. Main nahi jee paa raha tumhare bina.

Please Bhagwan, uss tak pahunchne ka raasta dikha dijiye! Mujhe meri Ashi chahiye bas! Aur kuch bhi nahi! Inn paison ka aur iss fame ka main kya karunga, jab meri zindagi hi mujhse judaa hain?

Lots of love
Pratyu

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