Imperfect

Old Habits

The media buzz around me had finally died down. My life felt almost normal again. It had been three months since Finley and I broke up and I had decided to get some counselling. It was really helping me see where I had gone wrong with my relationship, and it was helping through the heartache. I also had lots of new ways to deal with my anxiety and I had never felt better. Jamie and I had both found jobs and a cute little two bedroom house on the outskirts of the state. Well away from Finley, but still close enough for us to visit my parents. We had bought furniture, and decorated it with cute pictures of us in Italy. We had considered moving back to the UK, but right now, that was more stress than it was worth. My parents were happy in their house and I didn't want to leave them here.

"Are you ready for this?" Jamie asked. He wasn't sure how I was going to deal with emptying the house I hadn't seen for so long. What was worse, we knew Finley was going to be there. He had left the centre early and claimed he was better. I wasn't so sure but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. It would be the first time we had seen each other since the break up.

"I think so. I'm not promising anything, but overall I feel, relatively ok. The only thing I know I'm gonna cry over, is saying goodbye to Mr Boots." I said. He was in the back of the car, complaining about his transport method, and I felt sad. We had adopted him the first full day I spent living in LA and he had been through this whole journey with me. Not only that he was like a family member, so giving him up wasn't going to be easy.

"We'll do that bit last then. Let's just get in, and get everything out as quickly as possible." I nodded in agreement. I did some quick breathing exercises I had been working on to help me through my anxiety which was bubbling up. Mum and Dad had taken a much needed holiday so I didn't have them here to help, but I knew they would be proud of me. I rang the bell on the gate and Finley answered. My heart started racing when I heard his voice.

"Hello?" He sounded tired, and I found myself remembering all of our morning conversations in bed together. Jamie nudged me before I went too far down the rabbit hole.

"Oh um Hi Finley, sorry we're early I just wanted to make sure we had enough time to get everything into the van." I said. He rung off and the gate opened. That was a great sign. Not. We drove up the driveway with the moving van behind us and parked. I climbed out and looked up at the gorgeous house I had once called a home. I had to keep reminding myself why I was doing this. I quickly got Mr Boots out and headed to the door. It was already open. I stepped inside with Jamie behind me and all the boxes I had packed were stacked in the hall. Clearly Fin wanted me gone. It hurt a little but I couldn't blame him. I looked around but he was nowhere to be seen. That was good. So why was I desperate to see him again? I shook the feeling off and set Mr Boots' carry case down. He was whining loudly to be let out, but I couldn't. I didn't want him escaping through the front door as we were taking boxes out. The movers got to work straight away and told Jamie and I to stay out of the way. We stood awkwardly watching them working hard and sweating.

"This is better than I thought it would be." I mumbled to Jamie.

"At least you don't have to face him." He said quietly. I nodded and leaned my head on his arm. Even though I was dealing with the break up well, I couldn't help the feelings I still had. Finley really was special and when we were both at our best, even the worst days were good. It was sad to me that we had both forgotten how to love each other. I stepped outside, suddenly feeling an overwhelming urge to throw up. I stretched my arms out and took some deep breaths. I knew I could do this. I had to be strong. This was the final hurdle and then I could forget everything. I looked up at the house once more, and I saw him. He was standing in the bedroom window, watching the movers. Watching me. Those emerald green eyes I so loved looked dull, and lifeless. I half waved at him, but he stepped back from the window. I dropped my gaze back to the movers and watched as they loaded the last few boxes. That was it. What was left of my life with Finley was in these boxes. I frowned. Jamie came out of the house.