Silence settled in and it was pretty awkward. I wanted to get this off my chest and solve it. It was bothersome to hold in my feelings. I usually liked to talk things through.
“I want to know if this is leading us to potentially being together, but if not…” I said, trailing off. It was hard to finish, but I was working up the courage.
“If not, what?” Bradley asked. I started off slowly.
“But if not, then this ends here and now.” I said shrugging slightly. I managed to look at everything but him when I spoke. I finally looked up at him, unable to read his expression and waiting patiently for his answer.
He cupped my face and rubbed his thumb along my cheek. He pressed his lips to mine slowly and gradually made the kiss more intense. We kissed over and over and then he licked my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I let him in as I put my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me. His hands slid lower on my body and he wrapped them around my waist. Our tongues lapped each other and we stayed kissing till I was nearly sitting on his lap. We pulled away and I felt myself start to smile.
“Does this mean…?” I began while he kissed me a few more times. He stopped and looked at me.
“We’re done...Yeah.” he stated. Just as I felt my lips curling upwards, they stopped when he spoke those words. I put my hands behind my back and to my waist and escaped his embrace.
I felt a lump in my throat start to form as I left the hot tub and wrapped my towel around myself. I walked back into my house and locked the back door. Before I even reached my bedroom, I felt tears streaming down my face and I wiped them away. I lay on my bed and sobbed quietly for a minute or two.
It wasn’t the end of the world and life goes on. I headed into the shower and bathed, then later changed into a big t-shirt and some shorts. I closed my window without glancing outside, nervous to see if Bradley was in his room.
I spent the rest of that night, in front of the television and eating plenty of food, distracting myself from my thoughts. I didn’t want to ponder over them right now. Bradley came over and rang the doorbell but I just glanced through my peephole to look at him. Then I just walked back to my living room and continued watching TV.
Later that night, I headed upstairs to my room and got in bed. I wanted my mom here right now to hold me and give me advice. I curled up under the covers and felt tired. I felt one last tear slip down my cheek before I fell asleep.
