Hats On {A Kingsman: Golden Circle x Reader} (Sequel to Suited}

Chapter 4

(Y/n) P.O.V.

We go into the big building filled with giant barrels of booze. "Biometric security scanner just to protect a few old barrels of whiskey?" Merlin asks. I shrug. "So we're probably close to where we need to be." I point out. "Are you getting anything?" I ask Eggsy, scanning over the area. "Not yet." Merlin goes up to a barrel and reads it. "It's a shame it's not scotch...Hang on. According to this, there's a huge underground structure right beneath us. And if my calculations are correct...This is the way in." I turn away from the barrel, swerving that I can hear something until Eggsy groans. "Fucking hell, Merlin. Shit." I look back at them to see they've made holes in the barrel and have their hands pressed against it to keep the whiskey in. I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Boys...I'm not here to babysit you two." I tell them as another voice cuts in.

"You know, my mama, she always told me us southerners get our good manners from the British. I was thinkin', ain't that a pity. Y'all didn't keep nothing for yourselves. Y'all ain't never heard of knocking before you enter?" A guy says, shotgun in hand. He has a southern accent, and a cowboy hat to fit the look. "Well, actually we had an invitation. Didn't we?" Merlin says. "Yeah." "Oh, did you now?" "Yeah. It came in the shape of a bottle. We're from the Kingsman tailor shop in London. Maybe you've heard of us?" I inform him. "Oh, the Kingsman. That's where y'all got them fine suits and them fancy spectacles y'all got on?" I nod. "Exactly. That's right." He chuckles. "Y'all look damn sharp. Let me see if I got it right, here. You want me to believe that it's normal for a tailor to hack through an advanced biometric security system with nothing but a little bitty old watch on? I can promise you that dog don't hunt. So why don't you go on and get down on your knees and tell me who you really work for (Scoops Ahoy!! ... sorry)." I roll my eyes.

I look back at Eggsy and Merlin, who share a smirk. They remove their hands from the barrel, letting it spill all over. I groan, and facepalm. Idiots. The mysterious man spit some sort of substance at the barrel, closing the holes. "That's 1963 Statesman Reserve. You just made it personal." He says calmly. He rushes us, so all three of us launch at him. He shoves me and Eggsy away, throwing Merlin into a barrel and knocking him out. Eggsy moves towards him, gun held out, but the guy catches his arm, and pins him to the barrel, and fidgets with Eggsys watch. I come up from behind him, elbowing his head before he can do anything. He goes to hit my head with the gun, but I duck and sweep his legs from beneath him. I point a gun at him. Eggsy does the same. "We're not the enemy." I say. "Well I beg to differ." He spits that gross shit at me, making me fly backwards, and get stuck to the ground.

"(Y/n)!" Eggsy goes to fight the probable Stateman agent, and ends up with his own anesthesia dart in his neck. "Who the fuck are you?" He says drowsily before dropping. "Goddammit!" I groan, pulling at the sticky substance. "You two need to wash your mouths out with soap." The guy says before lifting Eggsys hand and shooting me with a dart. "Fuck you." I say in a slurred manner before falling into a darkness.

~~~~~

I open my eyes with a groan. I'm tied to a chair next to Merlin, Eggsy in the other side of him. "A bottle in a secret wall. You really expect me to take that seriously? See, I think your story's horse shit. Y'all just trying to cover for a failed rescue mission. You here for the lepidopterist, ain't you?" We share confused looks, but don't answer him. "Okay, so your mystery bottle, huh? Look anything like that, right there?" He points to a bottle he holds in his hand. "Yes. Same brand, much older." Eggsy answers. "All right. Let's see here. You know why the measurement of alcohol content's called "proof"?" He asks as we pours the liquid onto Eggsy and Merlins laps. "Oh, fuck off!" "Oh, for Pete's sake." He walks over to me. "Don't touch me, you fucker!" I hiss. He keeps talking, only moving my chair to face them rather then be side by side, then moving it back.

"See, comes from back in the old days when pirates wanted to test the strength of their rum. They used to pour a little bit out on gunpowder." He takes a sip. "That'll make you wanna slap your mama right there, boys." "Well isn't that rude? And you said we didn't have manners." I say cheekily. I get ignored by the agent, while Merlin and Eggsy give me looks. I shrug. "And if the gunpowder, if it burnt when they set it alight they considered it proof that their rum was good and strong. But see, I ain't got no gunpowder on me, do I? But I'm pretty sure you boys'll make just as impressive of a sound when I set your balls on fire." He chuckles, a lighter in hand. "Or you could just tell me who the fuck y'all really are, and how the hell y'all found us." He concludes.

"Look, for the last time, we have nothing to protect but our honor. So you can take your cheap horse piss that you call whisky, which, by the way is spelled without an "e", and is nothing compared to a single malt scotch, and you can go fuck yourself." Merlins says getting snickers from me and Eggsy. The guy gives a sarcastic chuckle, then turns to Eggsy. "What about you?" I stiffen slightly, looking for a way to buy time while he isn't focused on me. I'd rather him not set Eggsys dick on fire. "Me? No, I love a Jack and Coke, bruv. But I do agree with the part where you go fuck yourself." Eggsy smirks. Finally he turns to me. "Are you gonna let me set these fellas a light?" "Well I'm not really letting you do anything, am I? Don't get me wrong, I rather like them with their balls attached," I wink at Eggsy, "but I can't help but wonder if I don't say anything, if you'll listen to me when I say go fuck yourself. Third times the charm after all."

"All right. Y'all ain't got nothing to protect other than your honor. Let's see what happens when we change things up." He presses something, making the wall turn into a two way mirror, and I see someone I never thought I'd see again. Someone I never thought I'd be able to make peace with. "Harry?" I crack out. "Y'all got three seconds to tell me the truth." He points a gun at Harry. "Wait. No." Merlin shouts. "No!" "Harry!" "He can't hear you. But I can, so talk." "Get down, Harry!" "Harry! Harry!" "That's two." "Harry! Harry!" "Harry!" "Three." My heart leaps into my throat as a woman enters the room. "Stop! Their story checked out. I opened our doomsday scenario locker and that umbrella was in it. Kingsman. It's got our logo on it." I sigh in relief as the agent lowers his gun. The woman throws towel into Eggsy and Merlins lap. "I'm really sorry." She says. The agent laughs. "My apologies. I hope there ain't no hard feelings. I was just doin' my job.Welcome to the Statesman, independent intelligence agency. Just like y'all, I reckon. But our founders went into the booze business. Thank the sweet Lord above. This is Ginger Ale. She's our strategy executive."

I get a better look at her now. Her hair is short and brown, she wears glasses and false suit type clothes, and she holds a clipboard. "Hello." "I'm Agent Tequila." The guy introduces. I huff. "This is the part where you untie us." I announce. They do so, and I immediately go over to Eggsy. I move his head around, looking for bruises or cuts. "Ba-Babe, Babe, I'm fine, baby, I'm fine." He protests moving my hands away. "Good because I'd kill them." He rolls his eyes with a smile, kissing the top of my head. The agent let us into the room Harry is in. With a nervous smile, I follow Eggsy in. "Harry." I say quietly, just loud enough to be heard by him. "Hello." Eggsy goes up and hugs him. "Hello, mate." Merlin and I follow suit, me being a little more awkward about it.

"How do you do? Have we met before?" "Harry, it's okay. It's fine. They know that we know you." I say. "I think there must be some mistake." I frown. "It's been such a long time, Harry. I need to get my brogues resoled." Merlin says. "Yeah, and my oxfords are done in as well." Eggsy adds, still smiling. But I'm not. What happened? "Why are you telling me about your shoes? I'm a lepidopterist." "You're a what?" "I study butterflies." And just like that, all hopes plummet.