Fight For Something (Josh Ramsay Fanfic) (Mature)

Chapter 36 - Falling Asleep

Chapter thirty six - Falling alseep

*Faith pov*
I sat on my bed with a pad of paper and a pen in hand. I stared at it and nothing was going on the page. Blank. Just like my mind right now. Why is this so hard? I don't get it. Just start putting words on the page. Just... I don't know. It's not coming out of me. Why does my brain decide to not think when I need it to think?
I took the pad of paper and threw it to the ground with anger. I pulled at my hair, wanting it to rip from my scalp, but I kept in my screams to make sure I didn't wake anybody up.
They're staring right at me. They're just waiting for me by my desk across the room.
I wiped my frustration tears and picked up the note pad. I started writing and crying. I wrote only for Sherrie and Hope. I feel like Josh deserves his own letter. I don't care who reads it but I want it directed to him.
I feel like I'm being cheesy. I guess there's no such thing as being cheesy when you're writing a note like this.
'Sherrie and Hope. I love you both so much. I'm so happy that I have a family like you. You wouldn't have understood the feeling I got when you guys gave me that first warm welcome or that first hug or that first smile. It means so much to me knowing you guys loved me. I never got that before.
I'm not leaving because of you, not because of Josh... But because of myself. That's the thing; I can't be myself. I can't be myself without people looking at me weirdly or judging me or looking like they wanted me gone.
Hope, I want you to live life happy and respect the people you have now, ok?
But it's ok and I'm ok. I truly am. You don't have to worry about me anymore :)
I love you guys and don't forget it.'
Short and meaningful, right?
I wiped the tears rolling down my face, barely being able to see what I'm writing.
'Josh. I'm sorry. I really, really am. I didn't mean any of those words I said the other day and you know that. I was just frustrated and I needed you better right away. If I could do it in a snap, I would.
It's no ones fault, remember that. It's not yours, either. But please move on, for me? I need you to find a girl better than me and treat her right, just like you treated me. Marry her, have children, grow old together and watch your grandchildren grow up. That might sound cheesy but it's true.
Go get help and live long.
I love you so much, and I know you'll love me your whole life.'
At this point I was bawling with frustration. I folded the pages and put their names on each page. I put them on my side table and stood up, taking off my necklace, the one Josh gave me, and laid it on top of his note. I wiped my face and the tears started to slow down.
Ok.
I took the bottles from my desk and sat on my bed with a day-old water bottle. I stared at them and reconsidered the letters. Should I rewrite them? Are they too short? Did I forget a bunch of things?
I left them anyways.
I scratched my arm and sat there for at least five minutes with a blank stare.
Ok.
I opened the bottles and dumped them on my bed, putting the empty containers on my little table. I did what I had to do and drank the rest of my water bottle.
I don't feel regret at all.
I sat still for at least a half an hour, feeling nothing. No sadness, no happiness, not mad, not nothing. The crying was done. I was done.
I turned off my light and curled into bed, closing my eyes.
Nothing was going through my mind unlike usual. I was calm... Such a weird feeling.
I fell asleep.
-
*Sherrie pov*
I sat on the island, reading yesterdays newspaper with a cup of dark coffee, just like almost every morning. I heard little footsteps come down the stairs and it was Hope.
"'Dog Rescues Firefighter'" She read the front of the newspaper. "That's the only interesting thing going on in this town?" I smiled.
"And theres a big sale at Honda." I showed her the ad.
"Why do you bother with newspapers?" She mumbled, walking over to the freezer and grabbing her everyday waffles.
That girl and her waffles...
Hope made her waffles and sat beside me, looking over my shoulder at the not-so-eventful newspaper.
"Did you hear Faith get up?" I asked. Hope shook her head with a mouthful of food.
"Nope." She mumbled. I put the newspaper down and headed upstairs and down the hall. I knocked on Faith's door.
"You up yet, Hun?" There was no answer so I knocked again, opening her door and poking my head in. "Faith, time to get up." I walked over to her window and opened the curtains and the blinds, letting the sun rays beam through. I walked over to her side of the bed, looking down at Faith. "Hun, wake up." I stared at her and took her shoulder, giving her a shake. "Faith." I frowned. "Faith!" I ripped the covers off of her and shook her. "Faith!" I yelled even louder. I took her wrist and checked for a pulse, not knowing what else to do. Faint, very faint.
I heard Hope running upstairs.
"What's happening?" She asked nervously.
"Hope, go back downstairs." I snapped, taking out my phone and dialling 911. I saw her step in the room and stare at Faith as the phone rang once.
"Sherrie, is she ok!? What's happening!?"
"Hope, go back downstairs!" I told her again.
"911, what's your emergency."