Living Again

Chapter 27

Cassie's POV:

It didn't take long for Jake to pick me up at my house.

"Get in" he opened the passenger door from inside.

"Thanks" I muttered.

From the corner of my eye, I saw him smile at me. My heart clenched from the kindness in his smile. I don't deserve this.

"Is there something you want to talk about?" He asked.

I opened my mouth but clamped it shut as soon as I did. I'm not sure. I'm not ready.

Well, when will you be ready?, the voice in my head asked.

Never

The word popped into my head.

Then you're a coward Cassie Adams. If this goes on, you would never be free.

"Are- are you crying?" Jake suddenly asked. I was vaguely aware of the panic in his voice.

I put a hand on my cheeks. Sure enough, I could feel the wetness on it. I could hear Jake swearing under his breath. I never saw him get this flustered and it was because I was crying! That made me want to laugh and I did.

I laughed.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Jake looking at me. 

"Are you...alright?" He was hesitant.

I nodded. "You must think I'm crazy"

"Only a little" he smiled.

My heart clenched. "Oh Jake" I could feel the tears coming again. "You confuse me"

He looked taken aback. "That should be my line"

"You make things complicated...for me" I said the last part under my breath.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Why am I telling you this?" I repeated. Where did this sudden courage come from? Why did I say that all of a sudden?

Because he came when you asked him to, the voice answered. Someone cares...

Someone cares....

I was crying again.

"Shit" I heard him fumbling around. "Uh...here" he handed me a wad of tissues.

I let out a small laugh. "Do boys really panic when a someone cries?" I asked him, curious.

"Girls" he corrected. "We panic when a girl cry. Why do you sound so surprised about that?"

I shrugged. "It's nothing"

I could tell that he didn't believe me but he let it go.

Silence.

It is deafening in here. Makes me want to break the quietness.

"Thank you" I said. "For coming when I asked you to"

"It's nothing" he shrugged.

More silence.

It looked like I wasn't the only one feeling awkward with the silence since Jake turned on the radio.

"Is there any particular place you want to go to?" He asked.

"Anywhere's fine"

We were silent again as he drove but it wasn't as awkward as before. It probably because of the radio. He stopped by the park. It was alive, with the children running and playing, their parents trying to keep up with them. Some old ladies walking their dogs and a few teenagers lounging on the grass, looking like they don't have any care in the world as they laugh and talk.

"The park?" I asked him.

"I like it here. It calms me somehow" he answered.

"How?"

"I don't know" he shrugged. "Because od the things happening around here. The chaos, the laughter, just... the fact that it reminds me that I'm not alone. There is something here, you know? No matter how down I might feel, it's not the end of everything. Do you get it?" He turned to look at me.

I nodded as though I understant but I don't. I don't get it.

But you do. There's that damn voice again. You just don't want to admit because you'll know just how much of a coward you are.

I gritted my teeth. Shut up.

"Come on" Jake got out of the car and opened my door for me. I stared at him in confusion. "Let's take a walk"

I got out of the car and he slammed the door shut. He started walking and I followed him.

"This is my favorite part of the park" he told me. I looked around. It was the playground.

"Really?" But I wasn't surprised. Jake was so alive...unlike me. And what's the most alive place in the park but the playground? The children's laughter echoing around us. The chatter of the mothers gossiping. The sound of the parents scolding the naughty kids.

Jake was nodding. "This place is just full of life"

"Alive" I said softly.

"Exactly!" He smiled at me again. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the swings. I settled into one and he started pushing me gently but then he started to push me harder and I got higher.

And higher and higher.

Until I let go and landed on my feet a few feet away before my legs buckled and I collapsed on the ground.

Jake ran to me. "Are you okay?" He asked.

My shoulders were shaking, but I was laughing. Laughing.

I was laughing.

It took him a few seconds to figure out I wasn't crying. "You had me worried there for a minute Cassie"

I was still laughing and it took me awhile to stop. "Why did you bring me here Jake?" I asked.

He looked away. "I guess... I wanted you to see something that's full of life regardless..." He drifted off.

It clicked into place. "Of what happened" I finished. "Why?"

"To see that life is still worth living" he answered softly.

"Oh Jake..."