Love Me Back // Elmax Fanfiction

Chapter 31 ~ I Could Make A List

     It's been nearly three months now. Yes. Three. I've sort of fallen into depression all over again; I miss the party, I miss school. Man, I can't believe I'm even missing that. I miss life in general. Mainly, though, I miss El. El, El, El. My heart aches for her. Eleven is the last thing I think of at night and the first think that pops into my mind in the morning. Lucas still helps me communicate with her, but I don't even know what to say. I can't say what I wanna say without actually being able to talk to her.
     Tears spring to my eyes at the thought of it.
     There was no way she still liked me. I just knew it. How could she still like me after three months? She's in the real world, where there are things to do and people to hang out with.
     No matter how hard I try to get those horrible thoughts out of my brain, I can't.
     Lucas says she isn't with Mike, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings for him again. Hell, they could even be dating in secret.
     Go away, thoughts. Just fuck off!
     I let out a loud, angry groan. What I really wanted to do was scream, but obviously I couldn't do that. I needed something to get my mind off of El. Asap.
     Even though it was early in the morning, I walked down the hall, heading to Violet's room. When I made my way to the familiar door, I knocked loudly. A couple seconds or so later, a groggy Violet answered.
     "Fuck, did I wake you up?" I asked. Violet nodded, eyes squinted almost shut and reaching up to stretch. "Sorry. I can go back to my room, if you wan-"
     "Shut it, Firecracker, you clearly came here for a reason," Violet cut me off, opening up the door wider and stepping aside, motioning for me to come in. Firecracker is her and Cameron's nickname for me.
     "Thanks Vi." I flashed a fake smiled. I was grateful, but I couldn't muster up a real one no matter how hard a tried. She nodded tiredly and waved her hand in the air, as if to say, "it's nothing." I walked into her room, sitting down on the big patterned armchair near the window. I awkwardly pulled on a loose string, feeling too ashamed to look up at Violet.
     "Is it El again?" She questioned softly. I nodded wordlessly, still not making eye contact. I felt tears prick the back of my eyes. God, I'm such a baby sometimes. This was the third time this week. The third time! I felt awful for bothering Violet so much. I just couldn't handle the evil thoughts that fluttered inside my head. They were like bats; they always hung over me, but they didn't hurt until they woke up and flew around in my chest. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Violet stand and walk over to me. She stood in front of me, held out her arms, and did the c'mere motion with her hands. I quickly obliged, practically jumping into her arms.
     I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't met her and Cameron.
     I gripped onto the back of her t-shirt as she hugged me, trembling and letting out sharp, ragged breaths as I tried not to cry. I put all my focus in that area— don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry.
     Violet rubbed my back soothingly. "Man, you really like her, don't you?" I nodded wordlessly into her shoulder. Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry. Violet held me tightly in her arms for a couple minutes before I pulled away. She held my hands in hers, but it was completely platonic. "Hey, why don't you tell me about her?" She paused before adding, "Or not. Just do whatever you wanna do."
     "I'll— Yeah, I guess I wanna tell someone about her," I agreed. Violet brought me over to her bed and released my hands. We sat down.
     "I wanna hear everything about her," Violet said genuinely. I smiled.
     "She has the prettiest soft brown hair I've ever seen. It goes down to her shoulders and she usually puts it up in a scrunchie that always matches her outfit. She has the coolest style. She wears all these colorful collared shirts and rompers. She's so beautiful. I don't understand how it's possible. And her eyes, they're dark brown, but they go so deep; I could look into them for hours. And we haven't ever kissed, but I wanna kiss her all the time. Her lips are the prettiest shade of pink— she doesn't need lip gloss or makeup or anything like that. She's already perfect."
     "You're so soft for her," A smiling Violet teased, poking my arm with her finger.
     It wasn't like I could deny that. "I guess," I responded sheepishly, looking down at my hands and grinning. "And she's the sweetest human you'll ever meet. Her childhood was... rough... and she doesn't really understand social norms. So she's this ball of cuteness and I am determined to protect her at all costs. B-But I left her," my voice broke. Violet's hand immediately moved to my back.
     "Hey. Hey, Max, look at me." I obliged. "What happened wasn't your fault. You're not selfish or a bad person. He is. Got it?" I nodded, building up the courage to continue speaking. I took a deep breath, trying to get a hold on myself. It seemed to work.
     "Anyway, she has trouble grasping why people are homophobic and racist. She's always asking about things she doesn't understand, and it's the cutest thing. And she's so brave. She'll stand up to anybody. When she finds out about... about what happened to me, Neil will be glad he's in prison," I laughed, Violet following suit. I was proud of myself for being able to laugh about the incident, even if it was just in a sort of, indirect way. I wish I could tell Violet how El had also singlehandedly saved Hawkins not once, not twice, but arguably three times. But of course, I couldn't tell anyone about her abilities. Even if I trusted Violet and Cameron with everything, I could never threaten El's safety like that. "And she's just so... sweet. She says all the right things and comforts me and she loves me for me. Which, before you guys, I didn't really have. She was my everything. She is my everything. You guys, too, but I'm sure you get it." Violet nodded. After a short pause, I mumbled, barely audible, "I think I'm in love with her." Instead of denying it like I thought she might, Violet smiled and playfully punched my arm.
     "Max!! Dude, that's so awesome. The way you describe her, I don't think she's forgotten about you. If she knew the way you talked about her.." Violet raised her eyebrows before laughing. I smiled down at my hands. Maybe she's right. I was deathly afraid to believe that, though.
     "Maybe. I get out in a week!" I exclaimed. Violet squealed and grabbed my arm, grinning widely at me.
     "I'm so happy for you, Firecracker! Don't let me forget to give you my phone number. And Cameron'll want to, too."
     "How could I forget? I'm so excited!" My mood quickly swung. Vi knew just what to do to cheer me up every time. She's the best friend I've ever had, other then El of course. "I'm going to go straight to El's place. I'm dying to see her, if you couldn't tell.. but I'm afraid she'll be mad at me and won't wanna see me."
     "Max. She's gonna wanna see you! Who wouldn't?"
     "I could make a list," I joked. Violet chuckled.
     "Ok, but seriously, she'll want to see you. Even if she is mad, the minute she sees you she's going to be ecstatic! I promise you," she assured me.
     "Thanks Vi," I smiled.
     "Anytime, Firecracker. I'm gonna miss you though!"
     "I'll miss you, too! But hey, maybe you can join our party. And I won't let Mike push you around like he did me," I proposed.
     "I think I'd like that," Violet grinned.

You know, my dumbass really went, "what if she kissed violet to try and get over el?" But then I decided no I'm not gonna use that cliche 😭 I didn't wanna use it in the first place(like where Violet would develop feelings for her and kiss her or something). I was like nOpe I'm not gonna do it, but then I thought about doing it in a different way. Now all there is left to do is make El and Max get together, and then have Violet kidnap El because she wants Max for her own. /j

Also, sorry this chapter was so uneventful. We're building though, guys, don't worry. We're getting there.

Anyhow, I hope you liked that chapter. I have a new book that I miiiggggghhhhhttttt post soon, but currently I only have two chapters, and you know how anxious I am about not uploading regularly. I know, I'm super annoying, smh. But yeah, mainly I just want to make sure I can keep up with two stories, because I know that depressing feeling when an author doesn't upload for a long time(I hope this doesn't make anybody feel guilty; no authors were targeted in the making of this chapter). Right, ok, I'll shut up now because I'm practically saying the same thing over and over.

Be gay, do crime. Be trans, throw hands. Or if you're straight, just keep vibing ig 😭 Or if you're anything else, just keep doing what you do 🙏 Love you all.

I really hate myself sometimes. Ok bye bye. Love you lots <33

word count: 1700

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